Pride and Progress

By Jon

First, I would like to thank all that responded to my last article and I appreciate it tremendously, I have to say I learned a lot from you all and what you had to say.

Now for this month's article, well, as I am writing this it is gay pride month and I have yet learned more about myself these past few weeks that I want to tell you about.

When I was writing my last article for Oasis I also was writing a poem and I have been posting some of them on Planet Out if you all want to see them please email me and I can give you all more info on that. This one person thought so much of my poem she had it printed for a local pride event here in Iowa. I was very pleased at that.

I guess the second thing I did was a week ago. I was with a friend and we hugged in public. Let me tell you, for me that was the best experience I can say that has happened to me. I have hugged guys before but it was not a sexual hug, it was a hug acknowledging each other but still it was so great and when we parted ways we hugged again and I really kind of held him for a few seconds but the experience was something just to be myself in public.

I have made a promise that I am not going to hide any longer how I feel. I mean, if someone asks if I am gay, I will tell them honestly, "Yes I am gay" (that was what my poem was about being gay) After I posted my article when I was at work I was more at peace with myself and who I was. There was a coworker that wanted to make dinner for me. I told her yes I would go over to her house to have lasagna. Anyway, homophobia started kind of taking over in me. I thought, you know, Jon you can be straight, you are not gay this and that.

Well, I arrived at her house and well the same old thing happened. I found she is a nice person and such but there was no physical attraction towards her. We had a very nice chat and all I think we talked for a couple hours and in general it was a nice visit. After our visit, I told Mom and Dad about me going to dinner with her, at this point there would be lots of questions from them asking me is she cute who does she look like are you interested in her?

Well, let me tell you, they did ask some questions but they were: Who does she look like? Did you have a good time? In a way, it was a relief and in a way more tension there.

My point is I realize that it is ok to be gay it is ok to have feelings toward guys it is ok to want to kiss a guy etc. I think after that point I started to allow more the feelings I was feeling surface and allow myself to feel those feelings and not feel guilty. I have felt more and more part of the gay community, I have also felt I am getting to the point where I don't care what people think or see me do with a guy.

To wrap this article up I am very happy with how things have progressed in my life these past couple weeks. I am glad I hugged my friend in the town square in front of a lot of people. I am glad I got to go to dinner with my co worker and learn that 'No, I don't have a physical attraction towards her or any women ( sorry ladies about that but that is how I feel). I am also happy with things with Mom and Dad. I think they know something is up I will eventually tell them when I feel the time is right but anyway I am happy with things this month.

Well if you all want, please email me at jjia@geocities.com or Jon99@beautifulboy.com. Thanks for reading and looking forward to hearing from you all.

Take care.


©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.