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Matt

August 1999

Well, first off, I would like to say how surprised I was that my article made the July issue, thank you for letting me share part of my life with you all.

Anyway this month I would like to continue from where I left off last month, but not as to go to deep into my experiences with "Trevor." In my mind "Trevor " was someone I was looking up to and who I wanted to be like, that is until he took my innocence away from me. Innocence is something very precious and special and I lost it at a very young age and I would do anything today to get it back.

"Trevor" was taking pieces of my emotions and feelings and overall self away from me every time he wanted some pleasure. These incidents where "Trevor " took advantage of me occurred almost every week or two for about the entire school year. It had to have been the most confusing part of my childhood, I think.

After that year I continued to see "Trevor ," but not as much and there were no more sexual encounters, due to the fact that me and my sister were able to go to an after school program where my mom picked us up after work. To this day, I have never spoken a single word of this incident to anyone but my closest friend (who shall remain nameless), and I do not wish to tell my mom and dad for a number of reasons.

In a way I was attached to "Trevor", for reasons I don't know, I guess he made me feel loved and valued, but now I look back and I realize how bad it was and I hate him for it! In the months and years following all this, I was always depressed and I had very low self- esteem, I constantly overate, and things just weren't going good. I was also a very shy kid after all this happened, I was embarrassed of my body very much and was ashamed to show my body even at the doctor's.

I knew this wasn't good! and I started to hate myself more and more. I only had a few guy friends at the time, otherwise I just kept mostly to myself. All of this went on until I was in the latter part of middle school and when I met my first real boyfriend Alex. I will go into more detail about my relationship with Alex in the next article, In the mean time I will be on a much needed vacation at the end of August. YES !!!!!!

Love and peace eternally,

Matt
HighStar81@aol.com


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