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Mr. Postman

August 1999

Learn To Fly Again

Well, it's been an interesting month. Last month I wrote my first article for Oasis and I wasn't sure if it would be included in the July edition. In fact, I didn't know it had been until about five minutes ago when I checked my e-mail for the first time in weeks and was greeted by responses to the article I didn't know was published.

The response has been unbelievable. I had some letter I would love to share with you, but I have other things I want to include in this article. Maybe letters will come later. I received some very good advice and encouragement. Keep writing and let me know what you'd like me to share in my next article.

To update those who didn't read my last article (I encourage you to check it out when you get the chance) I came out to the crush of my life and best friend, B.T., last month. Well, it turns out he's straight, but we decide to stay close. And he continues flirting, and I'm miserable and confused.

In the past month I've spent a couple more weekends with him. Often times very depressed. Three weeks ago, I sat down and said to him, "I can't keep doing this. Since you've told me I have no chance with you, I have to get over these feelings, B.T. I have to get over you. And to do that I can't spend as much time with you. I'm not going to call anymore. If you wanna do something some weekend, give me a call, but I'm not going to pursue you." He was really quiet and just nodded and mumbled "Okay."

That night I wrote the following:

Regret's a funny thing. It can invade every part of your life. You can regret meeting a person. Regret talking to a person. You can regret pursuing a relationship. You can regret the jokes, the quiet times, and the serious conversation. You can regret sharing a piece of yourself with that person. You can even regret that they walked into your life or the face that you let them.

Like water passes over the stones of a brook, it's time to move on. The same drop of water will never again pass over the stone, but it lays strong as it experiences new things and sparkles because of the polishing effect of the river. Grow from this. Lay strong and shine. Don't look back, for God's sake, don't look back.

It's funny how you can care for a person so much, and yet you regret that those feelings exist. It's unfair how you can love a person with all your being, be hurt, an realize that you have to let them go.

The thing that I'm afraid of is that you'll go numb. You've been hurt by love so many times -- the selfish kind, the cheap kind, the ending kind, and the unattainable kind. Don't stop loving. Don't hate because of the hurt. There's truth in the saying about getting back up on the horse. It's three very easy steps: 1) Let go 2) Move on 3) Learn to fly again.

And now, I haven't seen B.T. in three weeks. That's the longest we've been apart in nine months. He called last weekend. He wanted to know if I had registered for camp. Church camp nonetheless. But it was the camp we had met at. I really didn't feel like going this year, but on the phone, he told me I had to register because the only reason he was going again this year was that he knew I'd be there.

So that's where I'm at this month. I'm getting over him. I still love him a lot, but those emotions aren't going to run my life. Write me. I want to know what you think.

***

MrPostman is known at home as Nick. He is 18 and lives in Michigan. He loves theater and music. Go ahead drop him a line. Pobox469@hotmail.com


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