August 1999

The Door Opens

Fourteen days.. fourteen days and the moment I started those fourteen days any leftover shell that had grown around me was split open. Fourteen days of a theatre camp.. I hate saying camp because it sounds so gross, but these days were more like theatre heaven. And the fifty people I knew there became closer to me and shared stronger bonds with me than I ever knew existed.

I danced... I wore the craziest things I could find.. I yelled and I laughed and I cried and I sang RENT.. and who could ask for more.

And then there was Booger.. my perfect friend, my perfect love. The nicest boy I have ever known, he and I shared a bond so close that it made a nice life back home seem like burning hell.. and sadly, while I would love to have a romantic relationship with him.. my current best friend relationship makes me content enough... it's an emotion I've never felt before- content.

On the way home.. I told two more people about my homosexuality. And one of them, a girl, came out to me. And then I got home, and I IM'd a friend from the theatre "heaven," and told her. And she was ok with it.

And now life is beautiful.. not flawless, definitely- if it was flawless, I wouldn't cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how much I miss the wonderful people 200 miles away or more.. how much I miss Booger's friendship, his laughter, his voice, his flirty touch.

But for once, I can't say that I'm missing myself.. but myself, my TRUE self, is finally right here with me.


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