August 1999

The "cute Indian guy"

You could almost say my first male crush, I'll call him John Doe. He's my, height, my age, smart, beautiful. I don't know if he's gay. In class he does things that would make you think he's gay (Example: One day he was staring at a guy's pants and the guy asked why. John said "You have a very large dick"). But, I'm still not sure though.

I'd like to think he feels the same way as me, but he might just be trying to make me a part of his circle of friends. Either way, I'm willing. Regardless of his sexuality he's seems to show some interest in me. I first pondered this when I noticed on two separate occasions that he would walk in front of my desk as the class split up and give me a strange look. I could only interpret it's meaning as being either "You know you want me, or "you ain't nothing." I liked it, but didn't let it show on my face.

At the regional science fair, when I was asking how to catch a bus that went to the mall (long story) he told me that a group of kids was going to catch the bus to the mall and I could follow them. He also said he was going to the mall, but didn't have anyone to go with (his circle of friends was getting a ride from someone's mother). "DUMBASS, he wants you to go with him. GO WITH HIM", was all that went through my mind as I pondered my response.

Against my true wishes, I told him I would follow the other group. Then he said "wouldn't want you to get lost". The way the way he said it was so alluring, so sad. I think he went to the mall with his friends. The group I followed didn't make it to the mall, so I don't know for sure. With that, he caught my interest, infatuation, or whatever it is. He has it to this day.

The only problem is that I don't know how to talk to him. When I try I fear outing myself and make myself into an idiot.

I both thank and apologize to those who chose to read this article to the end. I usually am a better writer

Please talk to me at N_metroliner@excite.com

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