October 1999

Halloween will be upon us soon. Little kids, (and sometimes older ones), running around, dressed up as vampires, faeries, and all those other creatures that go bump in the night, or their favorite TV character. They collect candy, and run around later than their bedtime with their friends, yelling 'trick or treat', and envisioning the next day when they empty their bags on the table and get to choose the candy they want to scarf down, pushing their mother into a heart attack as they go completely sugar crazy. It's a great time, isn't it? So, with Halloween coming up, I felt it pertinent to write about the masks (costumes) I wear, and maybe about the masks everyone wears day to day.

I should start by saying I don't like the whole idea behind 'coming out'. Yes, I understand its importance, or at least its emotional significance, but I feel one's sexuality is a part of themselves, and that if you choose to share that with someone fine-but it's not necessary to shout off the rooftops to everyone you meet 'Hi! I'm the gay!' (I just like the way that sounds 'the gay'. But isn't that the way we're regarded?) So needless to say, I'm not 'out'. Then again, my friends know my preferences, so am I? Hmm-well, no, not by conventional terms, and God knows all people with 'alternative lifestyles' (more words I hate) are completely conventional! But truthfully, in my pathetically Catholic school, I am completely hetero. (Enter puke bags here.)

I'm also completely cool, calm and collected. Rarely disturbed by life's little grievances, I go through life waving away all the bad parts and calmly holding onto the good ones. Yeah right! I freak out every day, my life is far from perfect, and I have such issues. But, you get the point, another mask I can wear!

Look, we all wear masks! We all hide ourselves from who we could be because we're afraid not everyone will like us. I want to go back and chill with Adam and Eve in the freakin' Garden of Eden. We were naked, and it was completely cool to be who you were, because they didn't know any better. Like little kids, running around collecting the candy , the joys, the treasures of life. Gee, I wonder why Adam and Eve didn't need masks to do so?


P.S.-I dig email, IMs, whatever. I'm happy to talk to anyone. Or, I could suck. Whatever. Catch ya soon.

P.P.S.-Talking about love is like dancing about architecture. <wink, wink>


Chance is a 17-year-old female attending a Catholic High School in Long Island, New York. She can be reached at S1mulation@aol.com

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