oasis
columns


Matt

October 1999

Purpose

In the year of 1982, I was born unto this world. I was placed on this earth in a good family, with loving parents. I was innocent of sex and sexuality; the world was new to me. As I grew, feelings rapidly began to dwell and stir within me. A new force swirled beneath my skin, pulsed fiercely in my blood. Alas, my sexuality had evolved into a full-blown suit.

I was never confused by the mutual attraction that I had to both males and females. I looked to both as role models in my earlier years, and felt a sexual and emotional dependency towards both. I was ignorant to any labels that society could peg on me, I was merely being myself, feeling the only way that I have ever known to be normal. Of course, I knew what a gay person was, I could hear the taunts and snickers of other children, the writings on the wall, the hatred and misunderstanding that lingers in society yet today, as always. When the time came to make a decision, I simply could not. What took a long time for me to understand was that there simply was no need of making a decision, as there wasn't any. I was bisexual.

I had a difficult time overcoming my fear of being myself throughout my teenage years, (which are soon coming to a close) until March of this year. Lingering in yet another suicidal state, I made a decision that I would never regret: to be myself.

I shortly afterward came out to my parents about my sexuality, and best tried to explain it to them. At first, it was difficult for them to cope and understand, but as time progressed, communication and understanding commenced. I have never been closer to my parents as I now am. I also have the support and understanding of my entire family, and friends. Life has never been better. All negative feelings have dissipated, I feel reborn.

In terms of my love life, a man my age has entered my life and become a very big part of it. We share interests, and communicate, and we love each other. Such bliss seemed to never exist before I met him, and hopefully, it will continue for a long time.

My entire motive in writing this article is to give advice to you, the reader. The world can be a very cruel place, and it is easy to stray from the path of what is right and wrong. Just know this; anything you feel, whether it be love, hate, sorrow or indifference is not a decision on your part. It is human nature. Love is a precious, precious thing, that which keeps us happy. Find it and hold onto it wherever you can. If you won't be yourself, then look into the mirror and ask yourself who you are. Don't live your life being what society tells you to be.

Matt


©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.