Wesley Scott Mays

October 1999

Smashing the Bottle

It's my first column for you guys and people and others out there. As you read before clicking to read my column, I'm Wesley Scott Mays, and I live in Clovis, CA. It's a small place, but it's not where I've been my whole life. Lords, no.

My parents met while in the Marine Corps and I was born in Bethesda, Maryland at a military hospital. After that, due to her position in the military, we moved a lot; my main locations were: Bethesda, Maryland; D.C.; Ocean Side, CA; Antioch, Nashville, and Murfreesboro, TN; Kaneoe Bay, Oahu; Penn Hills PA (a suburb of Pittsburgh); Fresno, CA (not far from Clovis; which is where I have decided to stay). That being the basic run of where I've lived, I've also been to Ohio, Alabama, Florida, Oregon, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas (which is where my dad lives right now), and last, Nebraska (where my mother's father lives-yeah, I could just say "grandpa" but that doesn't tell you which one. There's an important difference there, because my FATHER's father passed away in December of '95.)

Anyway, let's stick with one topic this issue: My mother and I led an interesting relationship as I grew up. I was an only child until seven, and learned, rather quickly, how to "make believe". I didn't get to spend a WHOLE lot of time with her either, since she often left early in the morning and didn't get home from work until almost seven in the evening-on a good day.

That carried over into our move here, even though I matured mentally and understood better what was going on, it still didn't help the relationship that she and I had, for her to be away from home so much. In the end, it was that meek relationship that made coming out to HER so difficult. It was Memorial Day weekend of 1998 and I wasn't quite 17 yet, although I was currently with my second boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I actually came out to both our mothers at the same time, basically explaining that relationship forming between he and I was more than just a simple friendship. It was a trying time, in which we both got split up because our parents freaked out a little bit, but it was understandable (not two days before, my mother had asked me if I had a girlfriend; I skirted the issue).

But to keep a long story short, we both had several talks with our parents and now we both have better lives. (my boyfriend later admitted that he was Bisexual and that was something he and I BOTH knew that I didn't like.) My mom still gets a little uncomfortable at times, but I'm out to my whole family, now (though it was six months before I found out my mom had told her parents about me).

Well, that's part II of the story. I came out to friends, then family, than to my High School; which I intended to END any further in-the-closet life.

To leave you with something peaceful; here's some poetry that comes from a CD that I found entitled "Gay American Composers":

Flowers through the window / lavender and yellow
changed by white curtains / Smell of cleanliness-
Sunshine of late afternoon-/ On the glass tray
a glass pitcher, the tumbler / turned down, by which
a key is lying-And the / immaculate white bed.

-William Carlos Williams

~Wesley Scott Mays (WSM)

Q's or Comments? ramblings, ideas, thoughts, scrutinies, deductions, epiphanies; or if you just want to welcome me in some formal or informal introduction that would make it clear that I've been well-received; E-mail me at WSMaGWMSTW.hello@juno.com

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