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Nick

October 1999

My First Article And A Little About Myself

Well, this is my debut article. I have been wanting to do this for awhile and finally got the guts today.

I am a 15 year old male with blue eyes and brown hair, 5'4" and 125lbs. I think I am bi, but to tell the truth I am not at all sure. It might sound weird to you and all, but I really hope this is not a phase. I really like being gay, and despite the lack of rights and the way we are treated, I would not want to be anything else but gay, or bi. But even if it turns out to be a phase, I have still gotten something out of it, respect.

Because of being gay, I have learned to respect all people and be unprejudiced and non-judgmental. I don't remember for sure when I first realized I was gay but I think I got my first inkling of it at about 11. I recently came to terms with myself and have been able to admit my sexuality to myself. I usually think I am gay but have found girls attractive before, but I seem to fantasize more about men.

I came out to my mom last year and she took it well, though she disappointed me by telling my step-dad and my sister, thankfully she did not tell my homophobic brother. I have a feeling that my dad molested me when I was very young but can't come up with a definite decision, so I am not going to bring it up to anyone until I am more positive. Everyone says he's gay, he hid male porn in the attic, his grandma caught him doing stuff with his friends (boys) , and other things. There are also other things that would indicate the possibility of my thoughts being true, some are too personal to share. Sorry, but some examples are he used to make me "snuggle" with him for 15 minutes a day until he moved out when I was 7 and also I really have no memories of my child hood, most of them begin at about 9 years. This could be because my mind blocked those other years out on account of them being bad memories.

My First Crush

One drawback of being gay is finding others. I still have not found a boyfriend and really want and need one. Also, crushes suck. I have a crush on a boy who is sort of my friend. He is real cute and has an awesome personality, but I can't figure out if he is gay or what! Well, anyway, I am out of ideas for this month. I hope you liked my article and you're all doing well, good luck in school, etc.

Nick
hedgiespikes@yahoo.com


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