Shaun C.

October 1999

Not Good Enough?

So lately, I've been thinking. Am I good enough to be gay? Now, before you scratch your head and think that I've gone nutty, let me explain. Every gay person I've known (which, admittedly, isn't that high a number) is thin and attractive. Now, I have nothing against thin and attractive people, so put that thought out of your head right now. ANYway, I am neither of the above. And I was thinking back to when I first came out in high school. No one believed me! Why not? Because they said I didn't 'look gay'. Now, this could be taken several ways, I suppose, BUT I've started thinking-what exactly is 'looking gay'? If I'm going to be gay, do I have to start going to the gym and working out to make myself look like everyone else? (I realize at this point that it sounds as if I'm wallowing in self-pity, but if you've read this far, you probably either agree, or just have nothing else to do.)

On a related note. Is it just me, or whenever I thumb through a gay-oriented magazine, are all the photos of young, thin, attractive men? I get the impression that I don't exist as a gay person unless I look like THEM. Sigh. Anyway, I'm done being pouty and bitchy, so I'll move along now.

I wanted to take an opportunity to say 'hi' to someone who I haven't heard from in a LONG time-someone to whom I owe a great deal. Michael Ditto, if you're reading this, take a bow.

Hmm.. let's see. What else can I fit into this column? Oh! I bought the new Melissa Etheridge single 'Angels Would Fall'. Let me just say-if the three tracks on here are any indication of what we'll be getting, let me just say 'WAY TO GO, MELISSA!' I've always loved her music, and I don't think the new album will disappoint her fans.

Um... what else? Oh, right! The family and I have finally finished unpacking all of the stuff from our move, so I'm finally nicely settled in. Peoria's a nice area, even if I haven't gotten to know anyone yet. Oh, but there is one really nice (and VERY cute) guy who's actually spoken to me. We'll call him Tom, since that's his name. He's very friendly, and pretty involved in the student government. I may just hop on over to a meeting, just to see if I can get to know him better. As a friend, people. A friend.

Let's see... anything else to add before I wrap this baby up? I've started reading The Path of Daggers-any other Wheel of Time fans out there in reader-land? Oh, and I picked up MY copy of Final Fantasy VIII; do YOU have yours? :)

That's a wrap, I suppose. As always, feel free to write. I welcome all comments, good and bad.

'You taught me to run,
You taught me to fly,
Helped me to free the me inside...'

Shaun C.

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