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Miguel Solana

October 1999

So my life has changed, and this past month has been an adjustment. Getting to know the new city. Everything is different now, the places, the people, the situations, the pressure, and I'm thinking it's all for the good. I've been going through major changes, and I can say all of that is for the good.

Loneliness has been one of those feelings that took a different perspective now that I'm living like I never had before. I have to rely on myself for everything. If something goes wrong, it's my fault. I can't blame anybody else, so it's like responsibility is different now. Before there would always be someone home. Now I have to turn off all the lights before going to bed, wake up and get into the shower knowing that I'll have to fix my own breakfast and then walk out to take the bus and start a new day again, and all that, without having companion. Loneliness is different now than the way it was before. Now I can be alone on a Friday night, watching TV until it's time to go to bed. It's something beautiful too. It's getting back that confidence that went away with people there. But still it's the beginning of my new life, the one I know I have only in my hands, the one where I'm the only sculptor, and where everything's mine. My mistakes, my failures, my fears are part of me in the same proportion of the wins, the happiness, the right things.

This is what these weeks have brought, tons of work to do, learning about new things, and seeing things from a new perspective, helping new people, broadening my mind in new ways, and simply walking in a different way that I knew that was there, but didn't know the way it was.

Here I am, in the new crossroad, with an unclear light about what's coming next, except the fact that it is something new, something I'm building with my own hands and work -- with the passion in my work, with the love I can give to the ones around me. I simply want to step on solid ground, and keep building my life as I've been doing to date, now with new challenges, new reasons, and knowing there's something coming ahead.

The only thing I know now is my love for the things that surround me, for the things that make me feel passion about life, for the confidence I've gotten from giving love, the people that show me there's always something to learn, the stones on the road that you have to go through, the man that has shared so many emotions with me, the feeling to give thanks for all the amazing things that compose my life. That's what I know for sure this time.

Miguel
jmsolana@geocities.com


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