November 1999

Hi. I am an 18 year old Christian "fag." My religion tells me that homosexuality is wrong, but I can not see how my love for another man can be wrong. I was directed to this page by my friend Ryan, who has a great article on here, and I wanted to share my story with you.

I was brought up in a very strict Christian household. The word homosexual was like a swear word to my family and for that reason it was never talked about. I had a vague idea what being gay was, but I never thought that I would eventually be one of "them."

When I was in eighth grade, I noticed that all of my male friends really began to get interested in girls. I, however, did not. As it works, I was just a late bloomer. Eventually, I began dating girls and I loved it but there seemed to be something missing. I began to notice that the love I had for my male friends was not only a friendship love but that I was also attracted to them. When I noticed this I was terrified. What would happen if I was...gay...a fag...queer? My religion told me that this was the devil working in me, so I began to go to church more often and pray and ask Jesus to take this evilness out of me. Nothing changed.

I love God and Jesus and there is nothing that can change that. But I also know that I love men. I thought that there was no way to love both God and men but that is not true. It can be done...and I am a living example.

Now there is my family and friends. Well...I have eight people who know. All of them are gay. I am not the stereotypical queer. I am not this flaming pretty boy that has more hand gestures than Italians (by the way...I am really attracted to those flaming queers). I am just a normal acting guy, a little more "sensitive" than others but not noticeably queer. My family has no idea about me being gay. I have no idea how to tell them. I am not really sure that I could ever tell them. I know my mother would die and my father would kill me (not literally). I love my family and I love my friends and I LOVE MY GOD!! But, I also love men.

If anyone would like to e-mail me, feel free. I am always checking my e-mail and I would love to talk to other males going through what I am and just other gays in general. I love talking and if you want we could possibly talk on AOL Instant Messenger or yahoo pager or ICQ. See...I love computers, especially the chatting.

Well, that is my story. I don't know where I am going from here but I know with God's help and the help of my family and friends...my TRUE family and friends...I can take anything that is sent my way. I love you all and may God Bless You!


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