Sorry, but this column will be a short one. I did promise the excerpts from my book so I will put them in. I don't have much time so it will be all I'm putting in here, I have plenty of accumulated homework to do. Anyway, these are excerpts from my book about two minor crushes I had. These are no longer the people I like, so I don't really care much if I tell the world. Anyway, I'll also add my English story in here as well, since it is related to my identity and stuff. It's a story of life after coming out from the point of view of my friend. So, here it goes with the excerpts then the story. Be sure to visit my website and sign my guestbook! It's http://i.am/lincolnho
...is in one of my classes and I've known him since junior high but we never really talked much. There are 4 people that stand out in my list of crushes. Eric and Ian being the two most powerful crushes in my life, and two more lesser influences. One being Sunny. He's not a huge crush but he's noticeable in my list.
I don't remember when we started talking but sometime later, he was in my room and I was alone with him in the house. Don't get me wrong here. He has a girlfriend. He was over because he wanted some minidiscs recorded. While he was at my house, he was using my computer to surf and to look for some MP3 songs, I was picking up his discman and I went down to get it. My head was like three inches from his dick. Oh, I wanted him right there and then, but I know he has a girlfriend and stuff.
...is a person that I no longer see anymore since he quit St. John's Ambulance. He was blonde, cute, and just dumb and I admired that in him. I didn't get to know him for a long time but I did manage to get to know his "bud" at St. John's. I'd sit with him and we'd just talk about stuff. Sometimes he would talk about girls but he never asked me about it.
During the time that I knew him, he always showed up with a sports bag and wore track suits, mainly green Adidas. I remember one time when we were having a movie day watching Star Gate, I had accidentally spilled some pop on his jacket and pants and I helped him dry his jacket, which was as close as I got to touching him, except for the first aid scenarios of course. Before he quit, his voice changed but I got used to it I guess. I've never seen him since then but there is one picture of him I have that exists."-990420.
Now here is the story. It's called Lyrics and there's a reason it's called that. It might not be a big part of the story, in fact, it's not mentioned a lot but the "answers" and "hidden secrets" are in the lines. Of course, this is written in my friend's point of view so he doesn't see things the way I do and it is all supposed to be him assuming all of this, especially about the feelings and emotions that he says. The story, however, is based on real life events that happened to me. The way that he tells it (or the way I wrote it) is supposed to distort the real situations and make them into a mystery to answer the writer's questions. Now, on with the story!
By Lincoln Ho
And this page is all of my friend Lincoln. For as long as I have known him, he has always seemed to amaze me. There is so much about his character that I admire about and I respect him a lot for handling his difficult times the way he has. I know that he's been through a lot, mostly because he's gay, and through all that, he's still standing proud of who he is, which I think is a great quality that I very much like about him. For myself, I don't really much care that he is gay but he sure has changed a lot of the stereotypes of gay people that I used to think were true.
He and I met about a year ago in grade ten through our interest of music. He and I both enjoy listening, composing, and learning about music very much. We both love to write songs and sing. In fact, he once lent me a tape of his songs sung on a cappella and they are, as words can put it, annoyingly catchy, though his lyrics are quite corny. They all seem suicidal and how the world sucks and everything. I guess he likes that type of music for some sort of reason. I really don't know why he always writes all these depressing songs.
Another thing that I also like about him is that he tries very hard at what he wants to do. He told me that he wants to become a musician and also to move the world. The funny thing is that the only instrument that he knows how to play is his voice. However, his effort put into his choral classes to sing better and better are far much more than I put into Mr. Missals classes. He has always put his mind on music, he doesn't really care or pay attention to anything else. I remember that last year at Sherwood Park for the final concert, he conquered being flat and sung a perfect solo. I don't doubt for a fact that he was awarded the choral scholarship last year. It was really strange though, because I received the scholarship for band and he got it for choir and we are both friends and everything.
Anyway, deeper inside of the Lincoln that everybody knows, there is a stronger Lincoln that is locked up just because of his surroundings. He can achieve so much because he can forget and forgive so many things that happen to him. I didn't really know about it until he told me. It just shows how he can be such a good actor, but he doesn't like acting, he says that its not his thing to show emotions.
In the beginning, he didn't talk about himself very much but the inner struggles that he has been going through has given him some rough times. When he started to talk to me about himself and what has happened in his life before, it amazes me even more that he hasn't committed suicide, I'm very serious. According to what he said about himself before I knew him, he was in a roller coaster with very extreme highs and lows, all because of something called discrimination.
When he was still in junior high, he was the editor of the unofficial school paper. He spent hours every week to put it together and a lot of teachers and students had weekly subscriptions to it just because of the content that he put into it. When the newspaper did start to go into the principals hands about two months later, the principal felt that he needed to approve of it before any more copies of the paper were to be circulated. It all went fine until the Delwin Vriend case started to surface in November 1996. Lincoln, at that time, was sure of himself by then and decided to write about the case and how it is okay to be gay.
The single article made the paper banned for two weeks. According to the principal, this was a paper that went home to some families and it was inappropriate to have an article like that because it would negatively influence some families and the school would get complaints. Lincoln published the article anyway and the article caused the sales of the paper to increase twice the amount distributed and the school received no complaints. The principal got quite upset and he couldn't do anything about it because Lincoln gave it out off school property. Quite smart, eh?
But that issue of that paper, however, put Lincoln in some vulnerable places for attack, but he didn't care and nothing happened to him, until the following April. He was put into a position of a type of abuse that he wouldn't tell me, and when he told his best friend, it made the situation worse.
His best friend decided to tell her friends and which caused those people to tell their friends and as it goes, the person that abused Lincoln found out and told the principal that Lincoln was passing rumors about him. When he finally had the guts to explain the truth, police, psychologists, and his parents were called into the school. So there were seven people in the room, including his parents, asking him if the story was true, the pressure lead him to tell them that he made the whole story up just to get even with that person. And with the only lie that he told the whole time, he was expelled from the school because he was said to have disturbed the learning environment of the students in the school. Gee, I wonder what would of happened if it was some other person, but of well, life sucks at times.
Lincoln got over it very quickly and forgot about the whole thing, at least thetas what he told me. His ego is so strong that he can actually do that and live normally. That I tell you, is incredible. But still, there was another wave that hit him.
With his involvement in many extracurricular activities, he just so happens to be part of the Royal Canadian Air Cadets. With cadets, you get to go to free summer camps and do a lot of fun activities, which I never found very interesting. Last year, he was able to go on the air studies course. It was supposed to be his big break from what had happened but as these stories go, he was in another incident that partly had to do with his identity.
That summer, Lincoln had with him his daily journal, and because there weren't enough lockers to go with the number of people in a room, he had to share his locker with someone else. It just so happens that the person sharing the locker with him found his journal and started to read it. Soon enough, the whole floor of the male barracks were in the same room going through his journal.
Lincoln returned from the mess and as he got onto the floor, he could hear some familiar words being read out loud. He peeked into the room and ran back out. He sat at the entrance of the building for quite a while. I think if it was me, I would of cried but maybe he did and he didn't tell me. I doubt it would of happened with the way Lincoln is. He's always happy and everything. It almost seems too real to be true.
Back to the story, he finally got the guts to go back inside. At that time, the people were done with the book and a lot of them looked at him strangely and treated him differently as well. The people in his room started to make sexual gestures with themselves like rubbing each other or showing off their behind to him. And poor Lincoln, all he could do was leave the building again and go to the canteen to listen to music. And when it was time to be in the barracks, all he did to avoid it as much as he could was hide underneath the cover of his fire blanket. Through that whole day, he was harassed and picked on, by very much the same people over and over again, and somehow, he got through the day like it was a normal day, and also without telling the people that could stop it.
The day after that though, the highest ranking officer of the camp had heard what had happened to Lincoln and called him out of class. There was supposedly a cadet staff that was in the room listening to his journal being read and reported it anonymously. Lincoln, put in another awkward situation, told all of the truth this time and told the officer about how he felt and how his privacy was invaded. Then because of what he described happened to him, the situation fell into the category of sexual harassment and he was given the power to have some cadets sent home, or even charged with the offense. Now with the type of person Lincoln is, he never wants to hurt anyone, so he decided not to do get anyone in trouble. I cannot believe how anyone could choose to do nothing, but he did and had a great summer.
The whole air studies course was yelled at to not harass Lincoln. For the ones that didn't know what was happening, the whole incident was told to them. All the girls thought that he should of got some people in trouble, some even cried after the officers explained what had happened the day before.
He made a lot of friends with a lot of people that year, mostly girls. Hey, that is a good way to get some chicks, eh? Just say that you're gay and they'll crowd around you like pigeons.
Anyway, he got along with the guys just fine. I guess it sort of taught the people a lesson, or it was the fear of getting sent home or charged. Of course, I wasn't there but there probably was a lot more that he didn't tell me about the camp, but a little incident was solved and it made that his favorite camp out of the four that he's been in. He's on his fourth camp right now in Borden or something down in Ontario. Its supposed to be a scholarship camp of some sort that you get through cadets. I don't understand why anyone would go to another camp again after that last camp. This time for six weeks over the three weeks last time.
There's so many more stories that he has told me and each of them are just as terrible as this one over and over again. It doesn't make very much sense to me why he isn't one of the ones on television where they had one event happen to them that scarred them for their whole life. Lincoln always seems to see the good side of things and makes the best out of what he has and what he can do. He does have times where he looks like he's not into it but he always comes back and picks himself up again and still manage to care about the people most important in his life. I guess maybe its because he considers me his best friend and I'm always mad or grouchy in the mornings. If only a lot more people were like Lincoln, it would be cool.
He is physical proof that anyone can make it through if you've got the strength for it. His lack of communication skills, however, is the only thing that I think he has trouble with. The only thing I think he communicates well is through the corny lyrics of his, and his music. He write quite a lot. He's always busy working on his web site and sticking his works up there. But in the talking and his own person to person relationships, I think he seems to talk to me pretty well, I guess."
Ok, anyway, so that's all. I hope I'll have more time for next month to write more. Until then, see ya later and God bless you all!
And Lest We Forget Remembrance Day as well.