For the first time in months, I'm speechless. I have no profound things to share with you this time around. No words of wisdom are to appear in my monthly source of expression. No witty quotes that apply to life's endless conflicts really, well, apply right now. Life is good. I'm happy. It's left me quite a lot of time to think.
OH NO! I've had time to think! You know what that means?! All I've done is confused myself! It always seems to happen that when I spend time thinking, I usually end up with just more questions.
As the endless soup opera of my life with B.T. continues (for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, go back and read my first few articles starting in July), I've just realized to enjoy things as they come. Sure he's still a pain in the neck, but I still love him. Sure we don't get along sometimes, but he's still my best friend. I enjoy the times we get along. I enjoy the times we fight (sort of). And I REALLY enjoy the times we make up.
Of course, we aren't an "official" couple. Of course, he still claims straightness, but we have something special. I've never quite had a friend -- a companion -- like him. And I daresay, that he's never cared about a guy like he cares for me. You know, I look forward to what might lie ahead, but if we just stay "close" friends forever, that's fine with me.
So this leads me to wonder, what exactly is love? When I first had this crush, I thought I would die if he didn't acknowledge me. I had to have his attention, and he had to return those feelings. I cared for him so much, I thought I deserved at least that in return. No one else would satisfy me. It was B.T. that I wanted. I was in love.
Now, it's different. I want him to be happy. I'd love to spend my life with him, but I'm not going to mope around waiting. I want to be happy, too. I'll always be his friend, but if another relationship with someone else forms, I'm not going to stop it for his sake. I want to be with him. He would satisfy a lot of things. But things are different, even if I still am in love.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE. E-MAIL your answers to these questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Next month some of your answers will appear in my column, along with an update on B.T. and my Halloween experience (we're thinking of going as Dominatrix Bois!)
ON TO THE QUESTIONS!
1. What EXACTLY is love?
2. How do you know when love ends?
3. Can guy FRIENDS (even straight ones) show intimacy to those around them while remaining just friends and not being labeled "gay" (in this sense, I use "gay" as the general teenage population does as a derogatory word)?
4. Does "true love" ever end? And if so, when?
5. Can a relationship that is based in such deep love, stay a friendship without going farther and still remain a healthy friendship?
Please include your initials, age, gender, and state. Specify if you want your e-mail published in the article for responses. I look forward to some of your answers. Thanks, you guys. LUV YA!
THE POST OFFICE
I'm working on an online resource for gay teens. It will have a chat room, personal ads, articles, inspiration, a "coming out" service, and many other gizmos for you guys. I need your suggestions though. It'll only succeed if you guys participate. E-mail me and let me know what you think!
MrPostman is known at home as Nick. He is 18 and lives in Michigan. He loves theater and music. Go ahead drop him a line. Pobox469@hotmail.com