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Tyler

November 1999

My First Meeting

I have been getting great response from my articles. Thank you all for writing to me, and for those of you who aren't writing, what's stopping you?? I have met some really nice people through here and have actually meet one of those people. He does not live near by, he goes to school about 4 1/2 hours from here. Well, he wrote to me after my first article, and it seemed like we had almost everything in common. We started writing back and forth, and then he had me get ICQ so we could chat. Well, after awhile we started to talk about meeting, not for a sexual reason, but merely to have someone to talk to face to face about our little 'secret'. Both of us are totally in the closet and neither of us have ever met someone who we knew was gay and who knew we were gay, so we decided we would meet when the opportunity arose.

Well, after about three weeks of writing back and forth, the opportunity did arise. I was going out of town for the weekend and on the way back, I was going to be going right by his school. So we set up a day and time. We were only going to have a few hours together, but that was better then nothing. I arrived and called him and told him where to meet me, and he said he would be right over.

When he got there, we had an awkward meeting, and both of us were extremely nervous. We did not talk about much at first, we just went back to his dorm. After a little while and some getting to know each other, we finally started to talk about our 'secret'. Let me tell you, it is the best therapy I have ever had, not that I have had any formal therapy. It felt so awesome to be able to sit down and talk to him face to face and know that he knew something about me that no one else did, and vise versa. We talked about how hard it was for us growing up and having to lie all the time to hide our true selves. We talked about what our plans for the future were. We talked about trying to find someone like us to date, but not being able to for fear of being discovered. We talked about so much that I have never been able to talk about with anyone before.

I just want to thank him so much for allowing me to meet him and talk to him. We are trying to get together again soon, but our schedules are so full it really makes it hard. It would be nice if he was closer, but that isn't happening. So to all of you out there who have been too scared to meet someone, as long as you can be sure they are not some crazy wacko, go for it. It will help you out so much to have someone to talk to.

Letting Fear Dictate Your Life

Someone wrote to me recently about a chance conversation they had with someone. The person who wrote me was talking with an older gentleman. The older gentleman was talking about how he wishes he didn't let fear govern his life so much. He said how people are afraid to live their lives the way they truly want to for fear of what others might think. I'm not sure if he was really referring to homosexuality, but that statement really applies well to it. He says he wishes he would have been more honest with his opinions when people asked him questions. I think everyone can learn something from that. I'm not saying that everyone out there like us can afford to be totally honest, but I think we can try not to let fear be such a dictator in out lives. Go out and take a few risks every no and again, just make sure the benefit will out weight the risk.

Conclusion

I guess this month's column was pretty scary. (sorry, that was lame) I have been thinking lately about how I might come out to my parents someday. I think I might start writing a letter to them, and when I finally get the courage I will give it to them. I will probably wait until I have moved out of the house though. I think it will be easier for me if I don't have to give them the letter while I'm still around them so much. I guess one thing that is really holding me back is my fear. I know, I'm not practicing what I preach, but you can understand....can't you??

I would love to hear from all of you out there. Let me know how much you love my article and think it should be published nationally, or let me know how crappy it is and that I should quit now and never look back. Also, if anyone out there has any questions or needs any advise, let me here it. I will at least listen and give you my honest opinion. You can e-mail me at: tyler4us@hotmail.com


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