Two Poems by Josh Westbrook

And Now, Dreaming of You...

I dreamt of you
you know...
not in that way, but mine

and I dreamed a dream that I do not
I was there, you were there
I held you, you cried
I comforted you, you smiled

then I woke,
arms empty,
sheets drenched,
hands shaking

you have found your way from my thoughts
to my dreams,
to my yearnings,
and now to my writings...

are you too close?
should I slam the door?
should I let you in to see?
should I...

I need to think,
gotta get out,
gotta get away

love is pain,
love is a slow death on a summer night
I have opened myself to it before
and been treated to the good and the bad
the hurt and the joy
the jealousy and the fear
the pain and the humiliation
and in the end, well, it's the end
so should we start?
or will we part?

I want to sit you down
face to face
and hold your hands in mine
to stare into your eyes
feel your warmth
ask if you are ok
and if I can help
holding back my tears to wipe yours away...

I want to bring you close
and close my eyes
feel your breath on my lips
hold you so close
and so tight
and never tell you why

I am the protector of something
I have no business protecting
a life that isn't mine
a life that isn't mine to shield from the world
but to see you cry...
to see you hurt...
I would not want to live...

and now I return to my reality
and see how my sappy ways will never work
if you love me, I will accept it
if you need me, I will be there
but if I love you, please...
let me hold back
let me help you to a better place
and then watch you drift into the sunset
onto bigger, better things

I will stay here
I have my memories
I have my tears
I have times we shared
but I won't have you...
and I will wonder
will you remember me?
will you still think of me?
will this pain ever cease?
will I want to try again?

and why were your lips so sweet
your body so warm
you words so soft
and tears so wrenching

will I be left here, alone
while you experience the world
in a way I never can?

why am I so jealous
of a life I will never be able to lead?
why am I so jealous
of your happiness, is it greed?

why do I sit here
expressing my love to a cold machine?
why do I lay there
with a heartbreak so mean?

I feel you so close
and know you are so far

yet I don't know you yet
and this hasn't happened yet
I can see the path,
I can walk it in the darkest corners of my mind
the places I fear to tread

but I did love you
and always will,
the idea of you,
the way you made me feel,
the way you will make someone happy
not me, yes,
but someone who deserves it
but not me... yes, not me...




I would like to have peace for just one day
No obligations and no bills to pay
To have a day where no obligations are ever found
And by my own truth I am only bound
No sex to distract me from my course
No scoldings that come out way too coarse
My mind would always be crystal clear
And my friends would never get too near
To the truths I hide
Deep down inside
Those secrets I keep
So others can sleep
Calmly knowing
That there is no need to be showing
Any worry for me
Or the thought of catastrophe
Because Josh is ok, Josh is all right
And we can finally sleep through the entire night
But don't come down to my room
Don't peer into my gloom
To see me hiding, all the time crying
About things I have done, and all of the lying
I want you to ignore me
And don't try to show me
That things can get better
So I won't have to write this letter
About how sorry I am
For hurting you ma'am
But I leave this for you
Telling you what I have to do
To relieve you of pain
And get rid of my strain
I'll see you above
Someday, my love
I never meant to hurt you
But can't help feeling so blue...


Josh Westbrook

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