December 1999

Okay, so this is my first article and to say the least I probably won't be the most interesting writer. Regardless, I do think I have a perspective on gay/bi teen life that could benefit others. A little about myself: I am a 14 year old freshmen at a Catholic high school in eastern Pennsylvania. I am, as far as I can tell, bi.

Being in a Catholic high school, for anyone whose every known this horror, is quite hard for teens...straight or gay. But when you are a gay kid it is ten times worse. The option to even remotely express who you are is taken away in a Catholic school and all your own sense of yourself is forced into a small closet in your mind. What's left is the image and false sense of yourself that any high school will impose upon a naive freshmen. This is the problem. On the shallow part of things is the social/dating part. Since most gay/bi/lesbian teens are made to act straight you can't really tell who is a possible boyfriend/girlfriend. In simpler terms, we hide our sexualities yet feel frustrated when we cannot find teen who are open. This is the dilemma and paradox which plagues most gay Catholic high schoolers.

Alright, now that I've gotten my philosophy of school out there you probably are wondering why the hell I even try to look for a boyfriend in a school of conservative attitudes. I don't look for random guys so to speak, but I have been known to spot a cute stranger or two. But there is this one kid who is "The Boy". 6', 140 #, thin and muscular w/ that baby fat around the stomach and face(really cute), and the funniest person you will ever meet. How can I not like him? I sit next to him at lunch and I'll be talking with one of my peeps and he'll just look at me and then when I glance at him he'll wink and smile. What does this mean?! If that weren't enough to drive you crazy he did something a week ago that changed my view of him forever. I came into lunch and someone was talking to him and he nonchalantly put his arm around me for about ten minutes. I smiled at him and he winked again! The day after this I went outside during lunch and saw him talking to some girl! and he ignored me. Is this making sense to you? I think Britney Spears said it best, "You drive me crazy, I just can't sleep..."


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