December 1999

Hey everybody ... miss me? I'm sorry for being erratic about my postings, but things have been busy in good old Chicago. It seems like the months are just shooting by. The last two months have been interesting, so I'm just going to jump into talking about it.

Queers and Associates

Well, Q+A is off to a good start I think. Typical infighting and gay drama ... which gay org would be complete without it? My board is really great, but I honestly think that they just don't like me anymore, and I'm trying to figure out why. I think a lot of it was that we threw this dance for Halloween (which is why I didn't write last month) and I pretty much became a total slave driver in order to get everything done. The dance was definitely fun though, so I guess that's something.

There's nobody really in the organization that I like enough to attempt dating ... oh yeah, I'm single again.

The break-up <s>

PIM and I went out for seven months, and finally we called the relationship dead in November. We'd broken up and gotten back together more times in the last three months than I can honestly remember. We fought constantly about the most trivial and pointless nonsense, and every time we had any sort of affection it was in making up for a fight.

The sad part is that I love him intensely. He's one of my best friends, and I feel at a loss if I don't talk to him every night. We've also gone two weeks without a fight. So, despite feeling more lonely and scared about dating again, I'm very glad that our relationship has changed into a really strong friendship. My only lament is that I don't have somebody to share my tiny twin size bed with. BUT, since that lament is pretty common, I think I can deal with it for a while.

My future boyfriend:

I've sat down and thought about what I want in a future boyfriend ... Mr. Right as far as I can see it. The list is something that's grown over time, and is now pretty specific:

1) Intelligence: I don't want to dumb down what I say and think in order to communicate with the person I'm with. Nor, on the other hand, do I want somebody who's going to quote Bersani's Homos when he's arguing about why gay marriage is an important concern.

2) Emotional Stability and Accessibility: I want somebody who can stand by me and be there for the times when I need somebody. He also needs to be open to love and other emotions; no bottling everything up.

3) Eagle Scout: Ethics, honor, and responsibility. As screwed up as it may be politically, I would never take back a second I spent in Scouts. Besides, it tends to open the door to a more masculine and active individual.

4) Socially Balanced: I don't want somebody whose idea of a good time is always going out and partying. Sometimes its better to just curl up on the couch with a hot cocoa and watch My Best Friend's Wedding on DVD, than go get totally wasted at a gay bar (and vice versa).

5) Masculine: I don't want a girl. When I'm with a guy, I like him to be reasonably masculine. I not effeminate nor am I personally attracted to effeminate men. [I don't want a total Neanderthal obviously, but there is a balance damn it!]

6) Attractiveness: He has to be attractive to me physically as well and mentally and socially. I'm pretty varied about what I find attractive, but an example is Ranger: 6'0" well built, gorgeous smile, proportionate, light colored hair, blue-green eyes, and a good voice.



9) Sexual Compatibility: He has to like guys, into the same or similar stuff sexually as I am, and not have some horrible disease.

I guess that's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there's more stuff mulling around in my head, which I'll remember when I'm re-reading the article. I'm not asking for too much right?

Three Weeks and counting:

Three weeks of being single, and no real prospects. I mean there's (as usual) the guy that I like who doesn't seem to like me back in that way. That's fine, I guess the rejection is part of getting readjusted to playing the game, besides there's a definite hope for a strong friendship. I've been focusing more on getting my body back in shape after this quarter than getting a new boyfriend. I really want one though.

I asked a friend what he wanted out of a boyfriend, and ended up cutting him off in the middle of his answer to explain what I wanted. I miss feeling totally and completely whole. It's not what the other person brings to you, I mean I don't think that the other person makes you into a whole person. But I do think that you make yourself into a whole person when you love somebody. I guess finding a boyfriend is more finding somebody to fall in love with again. The sex is an added advantage.


Bazil is doing quite well. He's now bigger than the other golden retriever in the apartment complex. He spends much of his day ripping stuff to shreds or eating or sleeping ... <sigh> the life.


Ali broke up with her boyfriend too ... so we both went through the eating chocolate and bitching stage together ... it was truly a bonding moment for best friends/practically brother and sister. I've pretty much given up calling her my best friend, she's just my sister. It's funny, I miss her more and more, despite now living in the same city.

My roomie:

Well my roommate has found a boyfriend since the last time I wrote, and they are so disgustingly sweet and hetero...UGH. I wouldn't trade her for the world though. I'm really glad that she found somebody who she clicks so well with. We've been having our issues, but nothing too serious.


My family's doing very well. The divorce has made my mother a much mellower person, which is nice. She's really stressed out, and I wish there were something I could do to help her ... It's really nice to think about how much our relationship has improved since a year and half ago. My dad isn't that important in my life anymore, but I think this break I might smooth things over with him ... or at least try and make an effort.

Millennium and Closing:

Y2K is over-hyped. Its an arbitrary date. The computers are fixed for the most part ... and the ones that aren't will be by the 3rd or so. Get over it. Now ... then again, the parties should be pretty awesome ...

I'm going to try to make sure that I'm better about getting this articles in earlier. Jeff's a total sweetheart for tolerating me. I'm sorry for not writing last month. I hope everybody has a great holiday and a happy and safe New Years ... and I hope I get over being such a cheese ball before I write my next article. Take care.


Oh yeah, contact info:

IM: uchcgo19 E-mail: soulseer@cyberdude.com

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