December 1999

12 One, 5999 AL
15 November, 1999 AD

I had an interesting dream Friday night and decided to bore you with it.

I was at my old high school, visiting teachers and friends, and I kept seeing Alex out of the corner of my eye. After some frenzied searching, I did manage to find him in one place long enough to say hello.

I'm going to take a moment here to describe exactly how beautiful he is.

His hair is black and fine and stays in place. His hands are fine and delicate-he's a pianist-and as ivory as the keys on the piano. His eyes are the only hazel eyes I have ever seen that I thought weren't ugly. I don't like how other hazel eyes have yellow and brown in weird places.

Anyway, we started talking, and he seemed quite agitated. I asked him what the problem was, and he confessed that he loved me too. I reached down and grabbed his hand. I haven't touched him except in my dreams since December. His hand was cool and smooth. I put my arms around him and held him tight.

I told him that I had better get a Driver's License quick, as I needed to be able to go out with my new boyfriend. I then had a terrifying thought! How did I know this wasn't just a dream? He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter-sized silver coin with three S-shaped marks on it (kind of like integral signs in Calculus). I held it tightly in my fist and hugged him again.

When I woke up, I looked at my hand. It was empty, but there was a small pile of quarter-sized coins on my bed in front of me.

That's when my roommate's clock radio went off and I really woke up.

You're probably wondering just how far some of my dreams go. While I have on occasion had an erotic dream or two, the most I've ever done with Alex - even in my dreams -is kiss him. Of course, kissing anyone would certainly advance my experience somewhat...because I haven't. I've thought about it from time to time, and I've certainly been curious. But the truth is, I never wanted to kiss anyone until I met Alex.

And now, my raging hormones are all raging in the same direction, and he's 45 minutes away and uninterested. Half the time, I'm glad I never kissed anyone, and hope that I'll be one of the very lucky few who experience their first kiss with someone they love. The other half, I wish I would kiss everyone in sight, just so that if the opportunity arrived, I'd be very good at it.

When I was a Junior in high school, I was smart. I avoided Alex. He was the hottest guy in the school, but I knew-I KNEW-that he was too young to have a relationship with. That's when Fate decided she wanted to really fuck me over. I honestly never expected to fall in love. This is what Fate does to me. She comes up with the worst irony to wreak upon me and BOOM! There I am, screwed over again.

Now...I'm in love with someone I could tell so easily would never go out with me that I didn't even FANTASIZE about him. Now I can't do anything else.


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