oasis
columns


Myke

December 1999

December... could somebody please tell me why Singapore is putting up Christmas decorations at Halloween? Have I completely gone over the edge with these time zones that I have forgotten the date? Or am I caught in a Star Trek-esque time warp or something like that, where time goes faster than it's supposed to?

Dammit! This confuses me. And why do the little plastic stars hanging from the lampposts (did I spell that right?) say 'HITACHI' inside of them? Oh, we just happened to have some extra H's and I's and T's... What about little baby Jesus and those three kings (mmm... frankincense... myrrh...) and all that shit? Sure, I'm not Christian, but hey, everybody likes the gifts, right? By name only, I am part of the congregation of the Unitarian Universalist Society of Wellesley Hills, Massachusetts, 02482. Well, used to be, but it sounds impressive when I say 'I, Myke, am a member of...' Yeah. I really hope this doesn't fall under that wonderfully vague category of! 'Opposing the government of the Republic of Singapore.' Remember Michael Fay, everybody? OW!! He went to my high school!! Not when I was there, but anyway...

Desperation brings this paragraph in -- Andrew S. -- you used to sit next to me in Chem, then Mrs. Chin switched our seats -- what are you doing here? -- are you really... really? Oh, wow. Me too. So, wanna go somewhere sometime? Email me, why dontcha. I don't have your calculator. Say, did you know that the name Andrew comes from a Greek word meaning 'manly,' and 'brave,'? And that St. Andrew is the patron saint of Russia and Ireland? Yes, I'm stalking you and everything that looks like you.

Peace n love go out to... 'Cake Jones,' you go the Tanglin School. Yeah. I got an email from a guy named S. Donne Davis or something like that, owns that big-ass gay personal website in the UK. He said you live here now, and you were having yourself some problems. Email me, I listen to other peoples problems real good, and my grammar (or is it grammer?) sucks. Ok then...

READ NO FURTHER UNLESS YOU HAVE LOTSA TIME!! OTHERWISE, READ IT LATER!! OR EMAIL ME <mailto:mike2784@yahoo.com> , AND I CAN SEND YOU... SOMETHING ELSE, MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW!!

---

Onto other things. Anyone wanna hear my coming out story? I guess it's more of a... work in progress. Everybody loves a good coming out story, right? Well, mine isn't especially heart-breaking or anything. Pretty smooth. Here it is:

It was a Saturday night, after a Christmas party. The eve of Christmas eve. I was dribbling depression to my friend on the other line, Brad. Everybody at the party was making out, and I was depressed because I didn't have a boyfriend. Take note, this was like 2:00 in the morning or something and I was tired. He asked me why I was depressed, and I said something along the lines of 'No, I don't wanna say.' That went on for an hour or so, and then I finally let up, too tired to say anything else. That week, my 'friend' Christy (to all of her friends out there, she's Christina Frost Smith, she lives in Wellesley, MA) had been saying things to my then girlfriend Amelia (and I don't know why I dated her... I mean, she's really nice and cool, but-yeah, she's a girl) that I might be gay.

Christy is, to say the very, very least, a homophobe as far as guys go, but not to bi girls or lesbians. Anyway, she was spreading these rumors behind my back, and I knew about it. So I just told Brad, 'Y'know what Christy was saying about me? Those little rumors she was making up? Well, they're true.' Brad, being the accepting person he is (thanks Brad!) just kinda stood in shock for about two seconds, then was like 'Oh, cool. So, who do you like?' and it was just like nothing important had happened.

Brad, on my bidding, told my friend Brandy down in Louisiana visiting her billions of Cajun relatives, and then she called me up and took it really well. After that, it was all... I don't know whether to say uphill or downhill, because it was good and downhill usually means bad, but uphill means it was alot of work, and it was neither. Everybody I knew was like, (remember 'Clueless?') incredibly accepting. They just kinda took it like I'd said, 'Can I have a tissue?' or 'I gotta take a piss.'

I came out to a kid I liked at a school concert of some sort, saying I was gay and I liked him. He took it like I didn't say anything. It got to the point where I was announcing it to groups of people, who were just like 'Yeah, and...?' But people, just PLEASE, PLEASE don't get especially optimistic about this. If you know that your friends aren't accepting of the 'lifestyle,' if you wanna call it that, then don't come out to a group of people and announce it like that! I'm a naive little shit, don't follow me, dammit! I mean, shouting to large groups of people 'I'm gay!' isn't exactly something you'd find on a pamphlet for coming out.

Speaking of pamphlets for coming out, here's one based on 'my own meandering experience.' I will dispense this advice now. You've all heard that sunscreen song, right? It's so old now. Go out and listen to a parody of it... speaking of which, I have the lyrics to. Email me for em!! It goes along the lines of, 'Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth... oh, nevermind. You are neither powerful nor beautiful. You are fatter than you imagine.' Yeah, I'm desperate for emails. I'm at the point where I'm sending email to myself (HA! HA I'm so funny, right?) OK, the 'pamphlet.'

1. Don't come out to people who say the word 'fag' repetitively. Although, I may be wrong, y'know, how a bunch of supposedly good educators are saying kids say the word 'fag' in order to cover up their identity...

2. Come out to your closest person first. This might be a friend, relative... pets don't count, although I'll paraphrase a bumper sticker when I say 'THE MORE PEOPLE I MEET THE MORE I LIKE MY CAT.' haha

3. Don't come out to people who have a history of blackmail and/or meanness.

4. Do come out to people who can listen.

5. Do come out to people who are thoughtful.

6. Don't come out to conservatives.

7. Come out subtlety at first. For instance-draw two lines of a sheet of paper, one straight, one curvy. Point to the straight one and say, 'Let's just say I'm not that.'

8. Don't come out to people who don't give a flying fuck about you.

9. Expect the very, very worst.

10. To paraphrase Baz... something, I don't remember his last name. Ends with-man. But that's not important. To paraphrase Mr. Baz, be careful whose advice you take.

WHERE THE HELL DID THE WORD FAG COME FROM? Addressing this is the most important thing for me right about now. Nobody I know who says 'fag' knows where it comes from. So here is my own, personal, quaint little understanding of it -- Y'know how some people say, 'Fag' doesn't mean anything! It's just a bundle of sticks!? Well, yeah, sticks used to burn people of other races, preferences, etc. If you know the exact origin, please tell me, because right now I am going around making a complete and utter ass of myself.

On an entirely different note, I have a friend who thought he was bi for awhile, because instead of liking to cuddle women, he liked to be cuddled, be protected. And, thinking he would never find the girl of his dreams, he, grumbling, told me and two other people he was bi last June. And now, he stands by the aforementioned statement (god, I sound like a lawyer, don't I?).

Is it just my imagination, is he trying to cover his tracks in regret, or is he just speaking the truth? I don't know, if you know, tell me about it because I am baffled. I AM AN ADVICE GURU! I CAN ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS! I KNOW THE MEANING OF LIFE! EMAIL ME! Hmmm, what else to talk about... this entire article was written over a two-hour on and off period, thought you'd like to know why it's so choppy. Dammit, everything I write is choppy!!

Even after hour upon hour of editing. I felt really embarrassed about my last article because, yeah, it was good material, but I wrote it wrong and it sounded stupid. My English teacher is gonna flunk me cuz of my choppiness, too. Okay, I have nothing more to say, cept some ending thoughts... (I'm sure you've all heard these before)

Guys are like the most envied toy of the entire neighborhood; you want it bad, and then you get it, and you don't know what to do with it. Guys are like blenders; you know you want one, but you're not quite sure why... WAIT! WAIT! I have something else to say!! (Damn him!!) Lately, I've been thinking alot (I don't usually think) and about what homosexuality is, spurred on by this little essay we read in Western Civ. by Plato called The Symposium or some other stupid name like that (I just think all names are stupid, right? Yeah, just look at mine! anybody else find irony in that?) and there was this part of it that we read in which the famous Athenian comedy playwright Aristophanes (I'm not as cultured as I seem, don't worry about that, and no, you shouldn't know this) was talking about love.

He explained it like this: In the beginning, people were wholes. Two half people connected made for a whole person (duh). People made of two male halves were from the sun, people made of two female halves were from the moon, and people made of a male half and a female half were from the Earth, cuz it shares the characteristics of both the sun and the moon. Well, anyway, these people were really happy, and the gods (goddammit!) didn't think this was good, so they cut them apart. Well, anyway, the half-people were so torn (haha, I'm so funny) that they grasped onto each other and refused to let go.

Soon, however, these half-people began to multiply. It got harder and harder to find their perfect matches. Aristophanes (or rather, Plato putting words in Aristophanes' mouth) said that love was the want to be part of a whole again. And, I guess, in a way, he's right.

And this is more than three pages long on ClarisWorks (shut up! don't laugh at me just cuz I'm a Mac user! I didn't choose this comp, I swear!) so I'd better get going. I'm tired. Dammit, I'm always tired. So, I'm just going to tell you all my views on gay-dom next time (MWAHAHAHA! YOU'LL HAVE TO VISIT HERE AGAIN!) and I'll just leave you all (no, not from Texas, I refuse to say y'all...) with some... stuff...

myke
mike2784@yahoo.com

Look! It's Elvis! Face life to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind. FREE YOUR MIND AND YOUR ASS WILL FOLLOW...

Well, I've been happy lately, thinking about good things to come, and I believe that something good has begun.-Cat Stevens

ONE IN TEN!! REMEMBER THAT!! For Those Of You In Boston... Or Near It

No, the correct term is 'long winded,' not 'afflicted with verbal diarrhea.' Anybody out there hear this on WBCN Boston (104.1??) TAKE SOME PEPTO-BISMAL FOR THAT VERBAL DIARRHEA AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! Listen to the gay program; 11:00 Monday nights, WFNX (101.7) Boston... I think, you'll hafta check their website <'http://www.wnfx.com'>. It's supposed to be real good.

===

Myke is a freshman pacifist/human rights activist/poet/philosopher/lyricist/non-conformist/advocate for the environment and gay most recently of Boston (okay, okay, Wellesley, MA, aka Yuppieville) but in reality from Allendale, New Jersey but right now from Singapore. Confusing, huh? He goes to the most hated expatriate school in all of Southeast Asia (The American School of Singapore... Singapore American School) and is infatuated with a kid in his Chem class. He listens to punk, punk-ska, techno, and folk. When he grows up, he's going to be a writer/poet/philosopher, but chances are, he'll never grow up.

 


About the Author
©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.