December 1999

It's officially the middle of November now and I realize that November 1st, as well as the first of each of the months preceding, all seem like yesterday to me. In December (when this is hopefully published) I'll be embarking on the journey that I describe as the beginning of the end. In other words, I'll be 21. I've heard it's all downhill from here.

I work in a nursing home and consequently am surrounded by years. Years upon years, intermingled with death, life, love and wisdom. And I realize that those things aren't so different or foreign from me in my 21 years. One of the ladies whom I've taken care of for over a year now is my listening ear. She'll be one hundred years old in January and I sit and talk to her about my gay male friends. She never actually uses the term "gay", but instead does this wavering hand motion and words such as "like that" and "funny." It doesn't bother her, this whole sexuality thing, she's rather hip. She doesn't know about me. Sometimes, I don't want to be "like that" or "funny." I guess God, however, has a sense of humor...

Elizabeth, the woman I take care of and just spoke of, accepts all there is in life. I know that if she knew I was bisexual, she'd accept me and love me all the same. I used to wish more people were like that, or that I was in the company of such individuals. Now, I am lucky and blessed to have that, but not after a few years of self discovery and issues with friends, family, and everything and anyone in between.

It's hard to be bisexual, I think. It's more accepted then other sexualities if you're a bisexual woman, but I feel bad for bisexual men. The straight world is still semi-ignorant as a whole and therefore is likely to be biased or shun a bisexual man because anything less than straight is definitely not straight. In the gay world, it seems that bisexual men are just frolicking on that intermediate stepping stone. In one predictable jump, they'll be gay and naturally so. Everyone knows there's no such thing as a bisexual man, right? Wrong. And so I think some gay men tend to push away a bisexual man or harp on him so much about how it's just a phase that eventually the man just pushes his own sexuality down and embraces something different, something not himself, but nevertheless something livable.

As a bisexual woman, I don't have to deal with that. Instead I deal with all those men who want me to have a threesome with them or put on some sort of show. To some people, it's all sex. We all know there's much more to relationships-gay or straight-that that. And what it all boils down to- the main point of this article-is acceptance and respect. Accepting yourself, your significant other, your friends, your life, and most importantly, another's opinion. Perhaps, like Elizabeth, you may not agree with how others lead their lives or the opinions they hold, but if you respect them and accept them as a fellow person with years, death, life, love and wisdom-the world will be a much more peaceable, coexistent place.

if you'd like to write to me, reach me at jehnnie@hotmail.com or visit me at http://revgrrl.netjunkey.com

About the Author
©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.