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Tommy

December 1999

Hi all. Being December now, I'm sure some might expect me to write about the upcoming holidays; but in truth, I have nothing to say about them. I appreciate the replies I got referring to last month's articles, no matter how arbitrary you might have thought they were.

I also have to apologize, I said before that I was going to try to stop talking about me. But I know that this is the only release I might have because of being in the closet. I feel I have to tell you everything I can about me. Which is the reason I talk about me. I feel you have to know something, truly, before you decide if you like or hate it. To a good amount of people, it's come off as vanity, but, in my reality, it's making sure you know who you are talking about, whether speaking good or bad. Ok, enough, let me tell you what I intended to in the first place.

No Goals and No Achievements

This has confused and disappointed many teachers and others, but I do not believe in goals or achievements. Of course, since they don't share my view, they say, well, just pretend you do, so I humor them. But I really have no goals and refuse to state if I have achievements. For this simple reason: I think that once you admit to yourself that you've achieved something, reached an objective, that you will slowly feel that you have gotten to the top and can merely go no higher; and I always try to get higher and higher. I hate restrictions so why put some on my own desires? I may have things I've done, but they are just that. Some recognizable thing that I have done in my past, and then moved on.

This belief is why I can do a lot of things (that wasn't a ego thing, I have done many different things in different areas). Now, I don't like goals and objectives, because that's narrowing your choices as I see it. I might have a wide idea of what I want to do, but I always have to leave myself open for other options. Just incase one plan fails, I have something to fall back on. Now, this doesn't mean I give up easily. I fight for what I want when I have to, but as I'm sure you know, there is a time when there's nothing left to do except complain. So, I hope that this brief yet long article has given you some insight and perhaps some hindsight.

I just want to explain that these articles are put up for you, but they are written for me. As I explained earlier, these are how I deal with things I can't go to friends and my parents with. You might think, but this isn't such a big deal, why not talk to others about it, it doesn't refer to your sexuality. Well, I think part of it is that you can't really beat me here. As macho and testosterone driven as that statement might seem, it's true. I can lose in the real world, and I'm spoiled enough that I don't like to lose, so here, I feel I can't lose, I can turn away and forget all about any arguments.

OK, I feel cleansed now. I'll see you all (so to speak) next month.

Tommy
rough_edges@hotmail.com


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