I love someone,
yet I love no one.
My love is vapor;
created by my heart and core.
Perfect in all ways
except one key that may
make all my dreams go away;
because reality makes them stay.
Substance is that key,
I have no one, no one has me.
My thoughts surround my love
protecting me from the cold like a glove;
the cold hard fact that nothing is there,
when I reach out for comfort, I find only air.
I would give anything to have my love known;
to turn vapor into solid flesh and bone.
For now, though, I have to live with my creation;
that creation now turning into a hard and dangerous obsession.
I can't destroy my creation, though, because my creation is me;
For everything perfect in my obsession is everything I want to be.
I love my creation and therefore myself;
yet maybe I don't, my creation isn't me, it's something else.
In realizing this I put my mind into an amazing stupor;
In fact, I don't love myself at all, in truth I only love the vapor.
October 13, 1999