Coming Out

OasisOut's picture

Advice from external sites:




You will notice that comments have been disabled for this page. I do not want this front page to become cluttered and I'll probably fragment this site so that it's more navigable later on. Comments are enabled, however, for each of the stories.



If you feel that this Coming Out page can be improved in any way, feel free to email me at oasisout [at] gmail. [dot] com. You can also PM me, but a direct email will be read more quickly. If you would like to share your story or a link to a coming out support site, then please refer to this post. We are always accepting new stories. Thanks!



Below are stories from fellow Oasians:

Comments

lookin to the future...'s picture

My coming out story....

well, my coming out has been a very long long process....
i have questioned my sexuality for as long as i can remember... i have always been attracted to girls. i have actually grown up in a lesbian household so my coming out would have been accepted. that wasn't the issue...
i knew i was attracted to girls... there was no question about that... but for a long time, until i met a certain girl, i felt i was also attracted to boys (this confusion over my sexuality kept me from coming out...) anyways, the moment i met this girl (my old best friend) i knew beyond a doubt that i was gay.... i had never been attrated to anyone else like i was attracted to her... i had never even come close to feeling that way about a boy....
i tried to distance myself from her, scared that she was going to quickly figure out my feelings. she pursued me though and i let a friendship form. quickly she started to come on to me and my mom noticed, basically confronting me about the situation, asking me if i was gay or not... i denied it the first time, in total shock that she had any idea whatsoever. eventually though, three weeks later i told her and her partner the truth about me.... neither one of them was the least bit surprised.... i came out to my close friends... they were all in shock (i don't fit the stereotype) but were all accepting.... i made a very concious desicion to not come out to my more conservative friends for fear... i still haven't come out to them or to my father because of that fear.... it terrrifies me!
long story short, my best friend soon figured out her true feelings for me and ran the other direction as fast as possible. in the last three months , i haven't spoken with her even though we see each other all the time.
coming out to the people that i have has made life so much easier. and once everyone knows, it wil be even easier. for example, the other day my mom and i were in REI and the most gorgeous woman i think i have ever seen was our cashier.... it was so nice to be able to comment "god she was hot" without my mom even being shocked....
simply, coming out makes everything a little easier..... believe me!

Rachel1987's picture

Help?

HelYeah. I am not going to tell of a story similar to other people's but I need some advice please.

I'm a 19 yr old female.. and my 18 yr old best freind.. is gorgeous, I'm like severely attracted to her, physically and every other way, BUT. I already have a husband, and she's straighter than anything, we've already spoke about it, and she's got a fiancee.. any advice now? It's driving me crazy, I keep having thoughts about her and fantasies.

Slim's picture

NOOOOOOOOOO

My advice is that you shouldnt do it. For one it will ruin your marriage and be the end to her marriage that never began. To me straight women are a severe gamble. Although I know this I am in a realationship with one myself,however, the struggle she has within herself is worse for me. Gosh, I love her so much it hurts I am searching for a support group frantically to deal with the issue. So I am telling you from experience if you can just wait until you meet a love that shares the same love you share.

openaboutit's picture

Stright Women

I agree that stright or confused women are a gamble. If you have feelings for them they may not feel the same way because they are unsure, scared, or have some other reason that they are with you. This may make them do or say things (not purposely) that they dont mean and could possibly lead you on. It can make you feel vulnerable or hurt.

But think about this do you regret all the good times you had together?

If not then you can look at it as a good thing. You had fun and even though you didnt get what you may have wanted, you did get some happiness added to your life. Maybe for the price of a little pain but you can learn from it and possibly become a stronger person.

C0ranG's picture

30 years

I have been married for 31 years .. I love my wife and have been a faithful husband for all those years .. she is the most wonderful woman in my life. I have never had an intimate relationship with a man in all my life. I have had the desire to but have contained myself in doing so. I still feel the pain of a relationship with a man and the strong desire to have a same sex relationship. I can't help it. I wish I could control it but I can't. I fantasize about having sex with men and want to but my life as a married man with 2 children keeps me from following through with my desires. Is the any way I can just feel like a man for a woman at this point? I could go either way but I really want the experience of having a man. Is it wrong that I can't control these desires???

elph's picture

Unlikely that this site can address your concerns... :(

Nearly all participants here are teens and students pursuing education post-high school. And... their concerns are widely divergent from those that you are expressing!

Probably the best first step towards putting your mind at ease would be to speak (of course, with total confidentiality) with your family doctor. He will likely arrange for you to discuss your concerns with a psychologist who is familiar with and specializes in concerns such as yours.

What you should know, however, is that your story is not uncommon!

Good luck!

gowhitefish's picture

If she's straight and

If she's straight and engaged it's a no go! Sorry /: ur in the friend zone. But trust me, a husband in the picture complicates everything and you don't want that!! It's heart breaking!

Nina Marie's picture

ug...

i only wish my family would support me...my parents are, like, religious fanatics and when they found out i was Bi they basically said be straight or we'll disown you. all my friends know and are VERY supportive of it. especially sence most of them are the same way. i can basically be out and proud anywhere EXCEPT at home...which sux, really, because all ive ever wanted was for my parents to accept me and stop acting like they hate everything that i do...

PurpleMoonPanic's picture

I can relate

I just recently told my family that I am and my mom acts like she accepts it, but she doesn't, I know, She's a very religious person, and I am too, but I believe that God will judge me himself and no one on this Earth other then him has the right, so I can't give you advies, but i can definitally relate.
XxJanahxX

loveherandhimforever's picture

I know exactly what you mean.

My mom is the exact same way, except she told me flat out that she's been lying and doesn't accept me. So I can relate to you!
~I'm in trouble, I'm an addict. I'm addicted to this girl, she's got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl~ <3

RainbowTime's picture

i can relate

my mum was completely disowning my mum kicked me out for being a lesbian and like a year later kicked my little sister out for what she expected being gay but i think shes bi and the only reason she didn't beat me was cause my brother knew before she did and distracted her so i and my girlfriend to go live at his house and when she kicked my sister out she was told to go to matts but since me, AJ, Matt, Rosie and Racheal moved out long ago she called us and matt picked her up and now she says she has no children

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

SMilESz's picture

pARENTS jUST d0NT UNdERSTANd..!!

pARENTS jUST d0NT UNdERSTANd.. My pARENTS RECENTly jUST F0UNd 0UT iM biSEXUAl THRU My MySpACE..?! N N0W THEiR TElliNG ME dAT i HAVE T0 lEAVE dA H0USE iF iM biSEXUAl.. bUT SiNCE i AiNT G0T N0 WHERE ElSE T0 G0 i HAVE T0ld dEM iM N0T biSEXUAl iTS jUST A THiNG My FRiENd WR0TE iM S0RRy.. bUT WHEN i TURN 18 i AM G0iNG T0 TEll dEM dAT iM biSEXUAl bUT i d0NT WANT My pARENTS T0 diS0WN ME F0R My SEXUAliTy.. i THiNk iT iS VERy WR0NG N i HATE iT..!? bUT iF dEy d0NT EXCEpT ME F0R WH0 i AM i CANT bE pART 0F THEiR FAMily.. l0VE T0 ME HAS N0 GENdER.. S0 l0VE ME 0R HATE ME i d0NT CARE..!?!

lordmomofenixed's picture

... are u still there?

if u get this message, i want u 2 know that life will only be as good as u want it to be. so even if ur parents disown u, keep your head up high. rite now, im 16, going on 17 in a few months. 18 is a magic number for me because when i hit that numbe, i will be free from my mother's tyrannical rule. I'm here for u. ok? we all are.
a psychotic pencilist, moe

Kidrow79's picture

nice!!

hey hey!!!! hahah love wat u said!! the part bout love having no gender!!!
lol
"God makes no mistakes" -Glee

lets take things slow... :)

socialist's picture

"l0VE T0 ME HAS N0 GENdER"

You aren't bisexual. You're pansexual.

---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iNEbrrG7SM

bereal_getreal's picture

life gives surprises.

although my parents are devoted Christians, and i have tried to be one. I did struggle with my homosexuality. but when I finally came out it surprised me that althought theywere not ok with it. they just said that they loved me and well intill now they have never denied me. at first it was very hard. but thanks to the love of Jesus we have been able to all live happy.

Human101's picture

Well....

I wrote my mom a note when I was 8 telling her that I was attracted to a girl. I used to write her notes confessing everything I did that was bad because I would feel very guilty. She sat me down and told me that it was fine and that she would love me either way. So as I grew up she would ocassionally ask me, "Elle, are you gay?". And I would always say no or I don't know. Well this year, I'm 15 now, I walk in from a party and she sees my neck (which happened to have hickeys all over it). She proceded to ask me who gave me those and I told her M. She was shocked and asked me if M was a girl, in which I answered yes. She left to go get a drink at a bar and returned home later to talk to me. She said she still loves me no matter what. But then she said something that offended my older brother (he is gay as well). She said "Am I flawed or something? I have two gay kids." We sat her down and gave her a little talking too and now she's cool with it all. She's accepted the fact that her house is a little more colorful than the rest.

My father on the other side found out through my younger brother while at the movies. He asked me if I had a boyfriend yet and my younger brother replied to that "boyfriend? Don't you mean girlfriend?!" let's just say he didn't take it as well as my mom. He texted me later that night (I know lol), that he was hurt by the news and that he wanted to walk me down the isle and how he wanted grand children. I told him to swallow his pride and deal. He can still get his damn grand kids and walk me down the isle....in some states of course. (DAMN PROP 8!) He's finally dealt with it and now we're chill. Gotta love fathers<3.

Rosekal's picture

r u open at shool? like are

r u open at shool? like are you out at school

bigger_boy2's picture

Kinda

I'm not so open like I walk around with a gay flag.
(though i might as well, i mean i went to school in rainbow suspenders for goodness sake)
but people know, and i went to a tiny school and word got around about me. And no one seemed to care. I wasn't harrassed or nothing. It was fine. And I was on the football team for christ sakes.

jacjessen90's picture

lol....i did more than that....

i didn't walk around with a gay flag but what i did made the message even clearer.... for graduation, i was validictorian, and while other people could get away with a button-up shirt and good pants, i had to wear a full suit under my robes, so, i wore a 3-piece suit made of rainbow pinstriped velvet. the robe was floor-length so i wasn't outed until i wanted to be. at the end of my speech i simply walked around the podium to the front of the stage and took the microphone with me, with one hand on my robe's zipper i said "and to all of the students who made fun of me for being differant...for being sensitive.....for hanging out with the less popular kids....for being the only male cheerleader this school has had in over 70 years....this , i think will explain it all...." i then unzipped the robe, took it off and put it over my arm like a raincoat and walked off stage.

"to live a day alone, only THAT would be torture! An hour without you, only THAT would be death!" ~gomez and morticia addams
"look at him! i would kill for him! i would die for him! either way what bliss!"~gomez addams

RainbowTime's picture

when i was at school i was

when i was at school i was open about it i was with my GF alot and just happy most people accepted it

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

tylerking5647891's picture

"mom, i want to be a girl."

it's not as easy as it seems but coming out that i am transgender is easy. thanks for the sup[ort oasians. power to the pride!!!!!!