angel syndrome's picture


(check prior journals.. tw: rape.. this was very hard for me to write but did so in one shot with zero editing.. )

I've previously written about how lacks of representation in the public sphere has ended up harming young queer individuals, fostering a sentiment of isolation. Once I was first exposed to a possibility that this isolation might be broken at sixteen, I suppose it was almost natural that I tie myself down to the same possibility, no matter how much it ended up hurting me in the long run.

Super Duck's picture

A... good thing????

So, I am experiencing a rare period of time during which everything is going better than expected. This is alien to me. Today was literally the best I've felt this entire semester. That's not a very high bar, of course, but still! Wow!

Don't know how long it'll last. I mean, I do have a huge presentation on Monday and then I have to start studying for more tests that are the first week of April. But it's here today, and that's really something after the way I've felt for so long.

It has been brewing for a while, I guess. A couple of weeks ago, I made a 100 on my sociology midterm. I don't know how that can happen, but it did, and that was cool. I mean, yeah, it's only sociology, but trying to make an A on anything at all at this freaking school is like trying to climb Mt. Everest naked.

anarchist's picture

It's dead.

Yakow cancelled the plan again, so I'm done. He's proposed "rescheduling" for next weekend, but that just seems pointless because I know that wont work out either. Making plans is just pointless. Nothing ever happens for me. Fuck everybody else, the human species is all douchebags and assholes except me.

jeff's picture

So, next steps...

Seems pretty safe to say that Oasis is going to disappear this year... I don't see any path emerging to turning that around.

Adrian is in favor of the site living on in some read-only format. I'm not certain that will have any relevance, but I don't have any strong enough objections to doing that.

So, well in advance of the shut down, I want to get adrian to add some functionality that we'll need.

Brady's picture


Over the last month since I last wrote on here there's been some real big changes in my life, the biggest is that I now have two younger brothers.

Right after I recovered from my flu/pneumonia combo dad sat Hayden and I down and updated us on our cousin David and his eight-year-old son Carter, and while they've never had it great David had just lost his job and if none of our relatives could take Carter in he'd have to turn him over to the state. Think of the poorest people you know and those two are even poorer.

Mogul's picture

Fun Friday

I'm loving this day, first at school I had a really easy chemistry quiz, I'll probably fail it, but I can't give a fuck about it; practiced some choreography for three ours and we nene to do it for some event at school. After luch there was a thing for men's day (it was two days ago, but my school do this type of events on Fridays) and he girls are giving us a weekend in some cabins by a lake with everything included and it'll be really awesome, we just have to pay like $5000 pesos ($2,5 dollars) and the gas for the cars.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

A quick update

It's worse.

anarchist's picture

I need to get my mind off this

i'm too excited for this weekeeeeend, so i'll just let it out here. I don't know what to do until then, but i'll likely be bored. a friend stopped by my place and-a-gave me a baby agave. it feels like it's loosened up in the soil since then for some reason, but i'll try to take good care of it. he said that it's an agave azul, so it'll look cooler than that lawn ornament shit I see all over here. it's painful, though, and by the time it's fully grown I'm not sure where I'll put it. Also, I tried to get a driving permit but they wouldn't let me take the test so i'm doing it tomorrow

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

a love story

so anyway more and more i just wanna get high and get fucked. gimme some weed and a ton of condoms and a ton of horny guys with big uncut cocks and I'll suck them and fuck them and be a fucking slave, just get me my fucking weed and i'll do whatever the fuck you want because it's the only fucking cure i have for this fucking shit. just die fucking die go away get away get away get out of my fucking head get the fuck out get out get out get out get out fucking die leave me the fuck alone shut the fuck up fuck fuck fuck

the ghost's picture

My Life Lesson for Today

I did a presentation at work today and I struggled so much. I went crazy red and my voice kept making mad noises.

I got home and kept going on about it to my girlfriend. Until she pointed out, the world does not revolve around me, and nobody else was still thinking about it, to let it go.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Wish I were here


It's getting worse, not better. It's getting harder, not easier. The screaming gets worse and worse and I keep having these feelings that feel so foreign to me. Sometimes it's hard to remember that nobody else can hear it. Sometimes I can hardly hear myself speak over it. I've been good at not raising my voice to hear over it, but that's difficult. It's like trying to talk over music that is just too loud. But instead of music, it's more like I hear hell.

anarchist's picture


Everything's alright and sorted out. Yakow couldn't show up on Saturday because his sister's car broke down outside of Richmond on her way from college, so I'm walking around a local lake with him this Saturday, which is going to be seven miles of fun, and someone else is visiting on Sunday to make some of the musiks with me. I've started a really nice tribal beat dat i am ver proud of.

lonewolf678's picture

Tiempo Lento

For my two friends, I would've liked at least one call back, at least one message. The least any of you could do for me was that. At least give me that, I never asked, but maybe I should have. I give and give, sometimes there isn't a thank you and that's ok. I look past that because you're a friend of mine.

anarchist's picture

Fortune cookie

"You are the guiding star of his existence." I wish I were more credulous of these things; instead this only reminds me of thoughts I'd rather not have on days like today. Images from last Friday multiply throughout the weekend. Their beauty makes me want the snow to stop coming. Those jagged golden spears look so gentle.

Mogul's picture

Weird night with my friends.

I don't know how to start with this, but yesterday was a really good day and it was because my class had planned going horseback riding plus a BBQ and we took advantage of that last week on women's day because we didn't do anything for them when the school gave us the time, but we had planned a surprise when we were at the BBQ. It was really good, but we had some problems with the owner until we solved them and went to a kinda bar (I can't find a way to traduce that word.

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