You-know-who finally told me about his girlfriend, for the first time ever. And the reason he told me this is because he broke up with her today. So this has lightened my mood even more than all my time with him yesterday did. We've been talking more and getting increasingly closer. He's even coming over to my place on my birthday. I've also been talking a bit with one of his friends and getting along pretty well.
I am very smart and very pretty and I should not leave myself logged in on my boyfriend's computer, especially when he is six hours away and can get up to mischief without me seeing :)
plot twist: i now live in a 2-story penthouse loft lol
Last night I got high as hell. It felt very, very good, and quieted the screams down nicely. They're back now that I'm sober, of course, but I had a beautifully quiet night, with nary a nightmare to be found. Speaking of screams, ZeeBoy wants me to name them (collectively, I suppose) Rachel. I suppose Rachel is the name Legion took when they transitioned?
HERE NOW BOIS SEE HERE. WE CAN'T GO WHALING BECAUSE THE WHALES ALL ASCENDED TO HEAVEN! I VOTE WE BUSY OURSELVES WITH THE MONOLITHIC COUNTRY OF AFRICA. HEAR HEAR!
Short, Sweet & Snappy.
1. Pass ALL subjects at uni. (Going to work my ass off, owe it to MYSELF.)
2. Get abs for Europe in June.
3. Stay tanned.
I have so many things to say, but I don't know like where to start, everything in my head is a big mess right now, and being sleepy doesn't help at all.
maybe we could get married under a streetlight in heaven & see if all the angels in heaven will burn when we kiss, but i'd fall in and out of love with you before the traffic light changed colors: tonight i kneeled before my bed and said our father in french and said thank you for everything and please keep helping it's 2:03am and i'm alone again, i know i wanted this, i didn't want to be the one he couldn't keep warm anymore and i'm sorry for still being so cold
It's kind of interesting:
I asked my parents for a goPro for Christmas, it was my only real gift. I don't know why I wanted one. I'm not really one of those people always posting videos of their exploits to see if they can't get a tiny round of thumbs-up applause.
I guess I had some sort of weird idea: I thought about the things I'd so much like to do when I grow up. I have so many weird and remote isolated mountains on my bucket list.
The GM-Hope-MasterForce-Thief-polystyrenegenerator-gman urged me to meet him at a specific location today, and then was absent. It seemed that he had disappeared for the rest of the day without warning, leaving me to burn out the lights of the sunless corner of sublime elusiveness with no foam trayholder.The only times I even got to talk to him were either really short or he was talking to a bunch of other people and we didn't even have a real conversation. Why he didn't give me any warning is a mystery, but what a fucking way to end the week.
Conversations with Gman always put me in an unmanageably good mood when I get home, and I don't know what to do when I'm this happy but also this bored.
February started off all wrong. One day about three weeks ago, Cute Blonde Girl and I went to a coffee place off campus, and everything was fine until I left. She stayed behind to catch up on a little bit of homework, but on my way back, I just... I don't know, I totally lost it. Out of nowhere. I don't even know where it came from, or what it was, but I just had this ridiculous freakout. Sobbing uncontrollably on the street and everything. It wasn't her fault or anything, I didn't even talk to her (or much of anyone else except a call home for my sister's birthday) for several days afterwards. After the week was up, I started to ease back into my normal life, but now, even weeks later, everything is just so horribly wrong.
I'm 19--turning 20 this year, even--and I honestly feel far more awkward and uncomfortable with myself than I did at 15. (God, just typing "turning 20 this year" made my stomach lurch. At least I have until November.)
Perhaps from the beginning it was destined to fail; He was a drug dealer and I was a church-goer.
However I believe for me or anyone to label him as a bad person as the cause of the failure of a relationship would indeed be a misconception as it simply it is untrue. Jake is an amazing person.
i know it well
the wastes take up most of it
and the fissures
split the lands
into canyons and cliffs
in my homeland once i pushed a man
into the fissures
i wanted his man and so
i decided to remove him
i learned to regret
i loved him
he was a friend
and he died by my hand
the homeland is not real
the homeland is not fantasy
the homeland is broken
the homeland is twisted
i cannot stay for long in my homeland
for even the pleasant moments
are soon perverted
and become dark
in my homeland i have seen children forced to dance
by a shadow
I woke up that morning unusually active. I found myself finished with some studies earlier. The Weather Channel promised a very nice and bright day, yes, that day I put on my finest flower-print overshirt. I had decided I'd been studying quite a bit the past few weeks and with no plans for the day I chose to buy myself a gift.
Where are you?
My river explorer
The navigator of those deepest lonely waters
Take me with you
On our shining raft
For with hope and blind mirage
I see only you