Er... I just looked at my back in the mirror and I have an ENORMOUS blister, and my skin is blistering all over the place on my back in tons of little blisters. Is this dangerous? Should I call the doctor?
I went swimming for 4 hours yesterday at my friend's house. It was a pool party. My best friend and I totally forgot to wear sun screen. And we only got out of the pool for maybe 20 minutes out of the whole 4 hours. I am burnt to all hell. That's the last time that I don't put sun screen on. Hehe.
HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!! My mom took my little sister, my best friend and I to the Harry Potter release party last night. They gave out wristbands with the books, too. Woot! I'm so freaking happy! I was up until about 4 in the morning and I just woke up. It's 10:30. And I'm wide awake.
My kitten died just a while ago. He was about 10 or 11 weeks old. I loved him to death, and I still do. I miss him. Rest in peace, Waldo, I love you.
Dad e-mailed us and called. He walked from work (NHM) to the Thames and they were giving free ferry rides to Greenwich so that took him the rest of the way. He said they're closing the museum tomorrow so he's going to work from home. I'm glad he's okay and I'm glad that I'll know he's safe at home all day tomorrow.
The murder mystery party was fun tonight. I won best costume, woot! I forgot my meds this morning, though, so I've had a headache for hours. I took three Tylenol but it keeps getting worse. Oh well.
I'm really scared. Because my dad lives in London, and the only way he gets to work is on the underground. I emailed him. I hope to God that he is okay. I'm really really scared. I don't know what to do. I can't call him. God, I hope he's okay.
Last night I felt my walls of certainty and security crumbling. Today, my sister's HIV test came back negative. It was a rapid test so it only took half an hour to get the results. Even if it had come back positive, it would have been just like a chronic disease. HIV takes over your own cells, and now they have treatment that can prevent it from doing that so people with HIV can live for years and years with it and it won't necessarily hit them that bad (illness wise, I mean).
I need help! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Here's the deal:
On Thursday a bunch of my friends and I are getting together with Carissa (she was my boss last summer) for a Murder Mystery Party. We all have to dress up in costume for our characters. I chose to be Maharishi. There's going to be a prize for the best costume - and I want it! My older sister and my mom are going to help me. Of course, I have to have a turban. I found a site that has directions and pictures on how to tie a turban. Now I need the rest of the outfit! My sister was thinking linen - linen pants, and a loose linen button up shirt. I'm thinking it should be in a white or cream color. And sandals, of course. =)
One of the worst things is to feel like you're going to throw up and not be able to throw up.
I take that back. That really sucks, and I hated dealing with it today and I hope it doesn't come back, but there is something else that is one of the worst things you could ever experience. Waiting. Let me explain:
My older sister recently ended a relationship of 4 years with her boyfriend. lt was not a healthy relationship. He lied (well, still does...) about small things - for example, he would lie about what he ate for lunch. Does that sound totally stupid to you? It blows my mind how stupid he can be. Anyways... what he did was break up with my sister, trying to minipulate her. That's the way he works - he needs control and power in a relationship. But his plan backfired. He tried to tell her that he changed his mind and she (thank GOD!) refused to go back to him. Since they broke up he has been harassing her non-stop. He calls all the time, he has let himself into our house, he comes over when he knows that our mom isn't home (she works the 3pm to 11pm shift), and he keeps making up stories. For example - yesterday he called and said that he got a new Honda with leather seats. But he had to take it back. *snort* Well, now that I have made it to talking about yesterday... he came over last night. My little sister let him in the house when he knocked on the door. He came in, said hello to me, picked up the phone and called someone. I learned today that he had called my older sister. He used the bathroom. He hung up the phone. I was trying to ignore him, and I was NOT being nice to him, though I wasn't being a bitch to him either. He said "Live." I replied with a "what?" He said, "look at me." So I looked at him. He said, "I'm sorry you had to get involved in all of this." I shrugged and looked back at the computer monitor, continuing to play my internet games. Right before he left, my mom had pulled into the driveway. He had told me that. I wasn't so worried anymore, because my mom was there. I had been angry because she said that if he came over again while only my little sister and I were home, I should call her and she would call the police. But I couldn't call my mom because my cell isn't working now and he had the phone. So he went outside and was talking to my mom. My mom came in the house and was very upset. I'm going to skip talking about the long horrible night it was after that. This morning, my older sister came into my mom's room (I was sitting with my mom) and asked if her insurance would pay for "this". She left, and I went back to my room. A few minutes later she came back upstairs and she was crying. When she went downstairs again, I went back to my mom and said, "will someone please tell me what's going on?!" She told me. And I want to beat the shit out of my older sister's ex. He decided to come over last night - and keep in mind that it was after midnight - and tell my sister and my mom that he is HIV positive. This is complete bullshit - just another lie to try to freak my sister out. My mom talked to some people and they assured her that the risk is extremely low of my sister having HIV. I am 99.9% positive that he is making this up. But even when you're that sure about something, there's always that little 1% of your uncertainty that is nagging at you. Of course, my sister is getting tested tomorrow just in case. But I am positive that she is okay. I just wish that there was something I could do to make her feel better. She's at a cook out right now with her friend D. He's an awesome guy - very nice, very supportive. My mom called the police. They sent an officer to talk to her and my sister and they decided that instead of pressing charges right now (for harassment) they will just have the police give my sister's ex a warning. If he calls, even one time, or comes over or anything, my mom or my sister is going to call the police and they will press charges. They were considering a restraining order, but my mom said that this is one of those situations where you want to try everything you can before going to the extreme.
My head is pounding. My heart is sinking.
Went to my friends grad party today. It was fun. Then I went home. Yeah, that was not fun so I curled up on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
I have no life. I'm not going to make it through summer school. Yesterday I wrote in my journal that if I had the guts I'd probably kill myself. I don't think that I really would. I guess I was just really upset. Then I listed all the reasons that my life isn't worth living. That seems to be the only thing I can do with my time the past couple of days - dwell on the bad things.
It infuriates me beyond belief how fucking disrespectful my older sister can be. The t.v. and the computer are in the same room, at different ends. The foosball table is between so that you can't see the futon from the computer and vice versa. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and has one of her new guy friends over. I'm sitting here minding my own business and trying to play a game on the internet. It's pretty warm in this room but my sister and her friend have the very heavy blanket over them anyways. So I have the volume down low because they have the t.v. on. They left and came back, covered up, and a few minutes later I hear my sister breathing really hard for a moment. I immedeatly feel a wave of pure disgust wash over me. It was bad enough walking in on her and her boyfriend going at it a few years ago when she was supposed to be babysitting my little sister (who was very young at the time). But now she has to go and have her friend get her off while I'm sitting RIGHT HERE. What the FUCK. And to think I was disgusted by her acting like a stupid little girl a little while ago when she was trying to flirt with her friend. Jesus Christ. Does she really enjoy doing this shit in front of her little sisters? Why me? Why not at least wait until I leave the fucking room? She fucking makes me sick.
Yesterday I saw a horrific video clip of animal abuse on a friend's website. She had it there to show what PETA helps to prevent. I've been looking into PETA more, but I'm a bit confused. They seem very dedicated but there are many many people that oppose them. I've heard that they are hypocritical, and that they have even donated money to domestic terrorist groups. Any info and feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I am so depressed. The last couple of days have been hell. I haven't been wanting to talk to anyone at all...except maybe my best friend, but I always want to talk to her anyways. She's the best. But anyways. Urgh! I had a huge breakdown yesterday. Before school I was crying lots. I called my Mom during mid-morning break but she couldn't come over to the school to talk to me (we live right across the street). I had the hardest time trying not to just start bawling in the middle of the hallway.
Writing is frustrating me. My words don't seem to be coming out right, and everything I right seems so... I don't know, messy, I guess? It doesn't seem to have any meaning. I desperately want to write a story. It always sounds perfect in my mind but when I try to put it on paper the beauty of it is destroyed. Drawing is knotting my insides as well. My feelings never seem to take shape...my hand doesn't move right, the pictures in my imagination don't rub off through my pencil the right way.