I'm so sick of this. I'm ready to leave, I really REALLY don't want to live here anymore. I'd much rather just live on my own, which I know would be harder, but being in this environment isn't doing me ANY good. I'm crying out of frustration right now...I'm just so sick of the ignorance in this house. Who the fuck buys a $25 bottle of booze when all you have is $30 for the next 5 days and you need fucking groceries?! Like wtf? I'm so sick of his ignorance. And what about me and my mom, you know we might have needed some, you know, food to eat.
I spent at least 2 hours alone, in class, with my classroom crush today...
I really want to watch this movie :
I got this book today from the library called Fire Logic by Laurie J Marks has anyone read it? It's a fantasy novel and I've heard it's good and has some lesbian content/romance in it...so....yeah, not that EVERYTHING I watch or read has to be gay...but yeah, the only things I want to take the time to read right now are gay romances. Because, well, I still don't have that in my life and I'm a romantic, okay? Ha. Anyways that girl at school is still, ah...so cute. And nice.
Tomorrow I get to sleep in a bit longer than usual, then I'm going to this grooming shop to ask this woman a few questions about becoming a pet groomer and see about getting a placement there for a day or two (it's project for school!) so, yeah, I might actually get to work in a grooming salon for a day and try it out and see how I like it. It's kinda exciting. Then I go off to school to type up all the info she gives me. Then off to pick up my glasses (Yeah, I'm getting freaking glasses! - for distance) My face, is soooo not made for glasses I look horrible in them.
I watched D.E.B.S last night for the 2nd time it was good. I actually think I liked it better than the first time I watched it...probably because the first time I had higher expectations. But anyways, it's not my favourite lesbian movie but it definitely has it's moments....Plus, I mean, Lucy Diamonds!!! hello! Jordana Brewster!!! hello! XD XD XD
And you know, I liked Janet a lot this time around...not 100% sure why...I just did. She had good lines, I guess. Plus she reminded of Spencer(from South Of Nowhere) for some reason. Weird....
Seriously, my dreams of late especially are really on about that. Even the subconscious meanings of my dreams are sexual (if you believe in that sort of thing). Take for example last nights dream that involved the girl that I kinda sorta like, I mean I like her but she's married and has kids so it's very um...complicated and not the ideal crush situation...but nonetheless I like her.
My dad has this guy friend over and they've been drinking (and smoking. Yuck!) since around 4 this afternoon and now it's 9. It was okay at first but now they're so drunk. I was down there till around 7 and then couldn't stand it anymore.
That "it is common for (straight) expectant fathers to have dreams of homosexual encounters".
I'm curious as to why that would be and I also now wish I could ask some fathers that I know whether or not that has real truth to it. But that would be a complete waste of time because they'd probably never admit if they did in fact have those types of dreams.
Then I had another dream (I think it was a continuation of the other one) where me and my *dream* gf were in a living room with my nephew, some of his friends, and my mom and dad. And we were all watching TV and that. And what was REALLY nice was that I was able (and felt comfortable) to be sitting close to my girlfriend like a real couple would. In the dream my mom was in the kitchen getting something and I was kinda worried thinking whether or not I should sit close and just be or if me and my gf should just separate so we don't make my mom uncomfortable.
"Those girls are gay?!?!?!"
My mom - after seeing Marissa and Alex kiss (for the first time) on the TV show The OC. lol.
My reaction : "Umm.....yeah. But it was all a ratings stunt to get straight boys to watch." Yeah....
"It's so weird hearing L(my mom's boss) refer to T(Boss's wife) as her wife because T doesn't refer to L as her husband" - my mom
"Well....why would she they're both women?" - me
"Yeah, but they are married and there's always a wife and there's always a husband" (Something like that) - mom
"Not if you're gay....or lesbians....." - me
"Yeah" - mom
*In my head* : Whaaaaaat?????
"Well, you're just basing that on stereotypes" - me
I had a pretty good dream (which tend to be few and far between). I was in school when the girl I have a crush on came over to me and she sat next to me and when she did her arm brushed mine. In the dream I wasn't sure if she did this on purpose or if it was just an accident but I was like I'll do the same and see what she does. So I made my arm sorta brush her arm but I made the moment last longer. Then I think that dream ended cause I can't remember anything after that. It was nice while it lasted BUT hello! I'd like some longer more meaningful dreams! Please :)
So, remember that crush I talked about getting on a new classmate of mine earlier this week? Yes, no, maybe so? Okay, well it turns out that she's married...to a guy. AND not only that but she has 2 kids! TWO KIDS! lol. I pick them well don't I? She's still cute, just attainable. Hence the title MILF...Although I'm a virgin so right now maybe the more appropriate thing to call her would be MILK (Mother I'd Like to Kiss) :) :) :) Hahaha.
And I learned she's from Guatemala and she has a Spanish Accent =)
I could die...
You know I'm pretty good at concealing my awkwardness but dammit if this girl isn't trying to make me the most awkward person ever. Haha. We were working on another group project today. So, she's on the other side of the table near all the crafty stuff and I'm being all awkward and I don't really know what role in the group I should be taking and she looks at me and she's like "come on" and she smiles and motions for me to come over and help make our prototype. And so I melt :)