I'm such a jerk. I don't know where the hell my head was at today but I forgot it was my mother's birthday. WOW! Like seriously, what kind of a low life asswipe do you have to be to do that. I can't believe myself. I can't believe that I forgot her birthday meanwhile I live in the same house with her!!!!
Man, I so can't wait to be in that moment. That moment right before the kiss. That first kiss with a girl I really like. Gosh, it's nights like these when I watch the relationships(I can't wait to have) on TV and movies. I watch them thinking about how I wish I was in that moment right before the kiss. About how it would feel, how it would be scary, nervous, amazing.
"There is homophobia in every corner and pocket of this world, but at the core ... you just love someone and want to make mixedtapes for them"
So, tomorrow(actually today since it's 12:30 am here) I'm going to my appointment with this woman so we can discuse my options for work and/or school. I'm kind of nervous/scared about it because like I don't even know what to say. I have no drive or want to go to school. It's not for me. I'd like to take the workshop they have that helps figure out what kind of job you would be good at.
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
Yeah, so today I cried for the first time in a while. I was listening to this song "Corner" by Staind. When I started crying and it was because of the songs lyrics and the way Aaron(the lead singer) sings it.
"So There's The Corner That I Sat On
The Road I Walked Home In The Rain
And There's The Star I Used To Wish On
It All Just Seems Like Yesterday"
So, we set up our Christmas tree today. Yay!. Lol. Apparently, we are using this tiny 3 feet high fake tree this year. Yeah, my parents bought it on sale and it seems smarter than spending who-knows-how-much on a big real tree. Then we'd have to buy a stand and everything.
Well, I'm feeling pretty damn optimistic today. My dad has been fueling(Or at least trying) the fire inside of me. He's been trying to get me to get out and do something positive in my life. To get started on the rest of my life. After all it's been around 3 since highschool and in those 3 years I havn't done a whole hell of a lot.
I was just reading Merrics journal and she mentioned the movie Troy. That got me thinking about the first time I saw it. I went to the theaters with my dad to see Troy this was 2004 and about a year before I started to seriously question my sexuality. The funny thing is that Helen of Troy in the movie totally caught my eye. I was...I don't know how to say it. I just liked her you know?
Sometimes I wonder...
If I'm numb.
Because I don't over react to things the way everyone else does...
Or I don't react at all.
Sometimes I'm completely emotionless...
to people's feelings.
Like when someone tells me something they expect me to be surprised..
And I just stand there not surprised or anything, really.
I know I have emotions...
Well, I've come to find out that I'm gonna be seeing a LOT more snow this year than the years before. Seeing as we moved recently(we moved more up north) and it's been snowing the past few days. Lots of snow! Which I love, because well I love the snow. I love watching it from my bedroom window. Well, I love it until I have to start taking the bus to go everywhere.
sex is natural-sex is good
not everybody does it
but everybody should
sex is natural-sex is fun
sex is best when it's.. one on one
Ok. This just sucks. I just finished watching the movie Imagine You And Me. And I was so dissapointed by it. I mean there was soooooo much to love about this movie.
What I loved about it:
*I freaking looooooved both Lena Headey and the character she played.
*I actually liked Rachel's husband and sorta felt sorry for him when all this stuff is happening behind his back.
I feel happy..... for the first time in a long while I feel happy. I feel content. After all the bullshit that has been going on at home for the last 5 or so years. All it took was My brother to be a good distance away and for us to move further away from him. The fact that he doesn't know where we live helps so much as well. I feel relieved. I don't feel stressed out.
Okay, so the other day I was on facebook and some random dude added me as a friend. So I messaged him to ask if I knew him or not. He says he added me cause I seem to like hockey as much as he does. So I'm like okay. so we start messaging back and forth about hockey when all of a sudden he asks me if I have msn. So I give him my msn thing.