I think it was about 2 or 3 months ago I was having this conversation with my mom while we were walking our dogs. Actually it was when that transgendered man was pregnant (Does anyone remember that?). I always try to bring up gay topics, to see what her views are as well as drop hints about my sexuality.
Has anybody watched the movie But I'm A Cheerleader?
Hey! How is everybody doing??? I havn't been on here in over a year. Mostly cause I didn't have the internet at home but I got it back so I can finally start posting my random thoughts on here again thank god.
So moving on from the depressing crap I wrote yesterday. I read the Toronto Sun Newspaper like I do everyday and I was really happy to see the Toronto Pride Parade on the cover. Last week was Pride week here, on saturday they had the dyke march and on sunday the last day of pride week they had the big Pride Parade.
Okay I'm gonna have lyrics from the song Home by the band Staind throughout my journal cause they describe everything I've been feeling the past few days.
I force myself through another day
I can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything
Right in my face
And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you I've had to walk away
Yesterday I woke up around noon because its summer and I have absolutly nothing to do nor did I have anything to look forward to. So I woke up sweating a little because of this dam heat, and I looked out the window cause I heard some boys talking loudly outside. When I looked out I saw two boys and one girl sitting out on the curb in front of my lawn with their backs facing me.
Well, today was a pretty busy day for me. My dog (she's a shitzu mix)has fleas and I have no idea where she got them from, she hasn't been in any contact with other dogs except my other dog (he's a Chow Chow) and he doesn't have fleas and he never has, somehow. My mom figures that she got fleas from the grass cause apparently they are lurking out in the lawn.
Well, like I said in my last journal entry I've been finding friends on Facebook that I haven't seen since I finished school about 2 and a half years ago.
Well a few weeks ago I finally made a Facebook account, found my friends added them and now I find myself looking up friends from school that I haven't talked to since I finished highschool over a year ago. And now I'm wondering why I bothered, I mean everyone is different and everyones moved on they've gone to university or have jobs and new friends.
Last night I was thinking about some of things my dad has said over the years and its put me to ease to comming out. See aparently my sister thinks my brother is gay(Me I kinda think so too, but im not for sure) and she told my parents this. So one night me my brother and my dad were all watching T.V and then my brother and dad started talking about family and what not.
I am really annoyed right now. The past few days I've been looking forward to going to a bookstore and hopefully getting "Keeping you a secret" and "Empress Of The World" I even asked Jake to go with me later in the week. So tonight I came on the internet went to the mall's home page to make sure the bookstore is still there...and to my surprise its not.
But I didn't. Thing is that my friend Jake that recently moved back is kind of person my parents don't completly trust and for good reason. So a couple of days ago he asked me to go with him to pick up a case of beer so we walked over got a case and were walking home. He pulls out a tin foil ball opens it and walla its WEED, then he asks me do I smoke the stuff.
I haven't written anything in a long time mostly because nothing has happened but today was interesting. My friend Jake moved away a couple of years ago but just recently moved back. He came and visited me a couple of times during those years.
I wrote this poem in the wee hours of the morning(about 2am) its quite rough but I thought I would post it and see what u guys think of it so far.
Will I ever find someone?
Someone I love whole heartedly,
and them feel the same.
I've had too many crushes,
Too much wasted time by myself.
Time better spent taking risks,
That could bring love back into my life.
A million dreams and a few nightmares in between,
I love you now and always will.
My unfound devotion and untainted love,
will always be there for the taking.
For you I spill my guts and throw these tears.
Forever I will be full of regret,
and steps I never took.
If you would look into these eyes,
you would find a smile.
As I melt upon you,
I hope you find what you were looking for.
Would you love me as I am
or do I need a change?
with feelings so great,