I was fuckin' adorable today. Black stalkings with skulls up each side, a black skirt that comes down to just above my knees, a fluttery black silky shirt, matching plad earrings, bracelet and collar, camo tiny flat shoes and a hell of a lot of glitter. I enjoy actually getting complaments on how I look. And I did well in math. It was a generally good day.
1. Distractionary straight crush is currently crushing on a boy.
2. ...said crush also holds doors for me, jumped up to get me a chair, and basically hung out with me instead of her other friends at lunch today. Also is coming over to my house tomorrw to watch scarey movies and make cookies.
3. I enjoy this crush because I'm not overly emotionally invested in it. It's *fun*, instead of hell.
I've only done the whole 'hopelessly crushing on a straight girl' thing once. Ok, ok, no, twice, but one of them was more the whole coming out+best friend thing which *everyone* seems to go through.
So after a long week of procrastination and emotional complexes, I finally did it. I broke up with her. I'm still in a bit of a state of shock. This is my first relationship, ever. My first kisses, the second person to tell me that I'm beautiful. ...yes, ok, the first was the crush. That's not the point here.
I'm stuck in a holding pattern.
I *can't* be in this relationship for another second; oh my God does she not listen to a single word I say ever?
Crush is pretty.
...Crush might possibly agree to go out with me.
...crush will never like me in that way; I'm not even quite eighteen yet.
Girlfriend isn't so bad, really. She likes me like that and really, that's rare enough by itself.
I've spent this last weekend before school cramming in as much time with people as possible, and it's starting to show. I haven't had more than an hour of alone time since Friday afternoon, and while I'm enjoying it all very much, I'm also going to enjoy getting to come home from the bbq tonight and pass out in bed.
The night is dark. A screen door bangs, the sounds of a gunfight on TV
Waft through the viscose air, more slowly than they should.
A man sits in his easy chair. A woman sits at her sewing machine.
A child sits, alone in the dark. A cat walks across the fence outside. . .
Ten. Twenty. Thirty.
"You know, they used to beat their daughter," she said--
-my head feels like it's going to explode
+I went and visited the crush at work today
+Sie sat and talked to me and my mom for fourty minutes
+I got two hugs
?My mom wants me to date the crush
?The girl I'm dating asked me over email if I wanted to make our relationship official
?I missed a call from her later, after she sent the message and I hadn't responded
oh. your. God.
We were this close to kissing. *holds up fingers* This. fucking. close.
She kissed my cheek and laughed about it and then started talking about something else.
I swore mentally. I wanted to kiss her so badly.
ok, so I could only come up with 50 random facts because I'm bored and enspired
1. I love roses and I know they're cliched.
2. I don't own a single object containing the colour pink.
3. It pisses me off more than it should when someone sends me a fic to beta and they haven't run spellcheck on it.
4. I *love* dark chocolate.
5. I have never been happy with the way I look. Ever.
So I was just doing a bit of digging online, and found out that my school got a grant to start a GSA last year.'
...please note the lack of a GSA, last year.
I don't know what happened. I'm not saying that it's anyone's fault -- God knows what happened -- it just kind of makes me want to bang my head against the nearest hard surface.
...yeah, that's it.
I saw a report on national news last night focusing on Camp fYrefly, a camp for lgbt youth ages fifteen to twenty-four. I have friends who went this year... I didn't go because I was busy with my father's birthday.
So there's this situation and it's strange and aweful and not really all that strange. Because I'm dating a girl that I'm beginning to really care for (I can admit that this was not the case in the beginning), however before I'd even spoken to said girl I was utterly and ridiculously infatuated with another individua. ...*utterly*.
So. I'm dating a girl. It's quite lovely-- we've gone to a movie, had lunch, I've gone over to her house to watch Rent and ate frozen raspberries with her and had conversations regarding long-dead TV shows with her mom. She's a very nice girl. We spend a lot of time on the phone together, in which she does most of the talking and I listen. I'm like this with anyone.
1. My new phone is shiney. It's got a text to speech translator and a camera and it plays music and it's just far better than my previous phone.
2. I'm going out with the girl on Tuesday. Lunch, shopping and a movie. But really, what *will* I wear? *laughs*
3. I got the peanut thing in POTC3. ...does that make me a strange person?