To clear up a few things from my last entry, Yes I realize the Catholic church has a lot of blood on it's hands but it wasn't like LAST YEAR. It's been a while. There is at least a desire to change and adapt, to understand.
On many PBS stations both Monday night and Tuesday night they aired a show called "Mormons".
Dinner went really well at my place on Easter as I said.
To cause tears is a terrible thing. I am sure that at some point I have hit one of my brothers and made them cry but to cause tears by omissions and foolishness is really quite another thing.
Ok, so much for all the tear-jerker little stories of Korean Princesses.
Today I am feeling out of sorts, sleepy and used up. It's moody time again I'm afraid. No I don't need drugs to deal with it and I probably won't cut myself either. I'm kind of growing out of the cutting stage.
*everyone stands and cheers*
There was a Korean princess who was in love with a mighty Korean warrior. She believed that he did not love her because she had never been loved before and didn't know what to feel.
Her grandfather told her that he was sure that the warrior loved her but if she needed proof it would be seen in his throat.
I think spring break has done it's deed. By that, I mean Jerry and I have had our moment of truth and to tell the honest truth it wasn't as dramatic as I expected it to be.
Winding up a trail, far from anywhere we were freezing out asses off but had planned to spend the night camping. I think we both knew what that was going to do for us even if it was not mentioned.
There has been so much going on in the last few days that I just haven't been here...miss me?
Yah, me neither...
I read all these journals and don't have anything to say because I am so afraid that I will just look stupid. I am so straight for a gay guy, compared to most of you. I should be in the 70s or something.
After school all day yesterday and work last night, I really was hoping to see Jerry even though I knew he had a practice after school. It was too much to expect and I know that now. I feel bad that I even suggested in my journal that he might visit me after practice. He has a lot on his plate right now and I forget.
I'm beat. I'd just like to lay down and take a nap for a year or two but I have to work tonight. I did finally manage to get to most of my homework last night. The one thing I have left over is algebra and that isn't due 'til Monday so I have Sunday to work on it.
I met Jerry at the nursing home after school. I don't have to work tonight and really need to catch up on some homework but it was hard to tell Jerry that because he probably thinks it is some excuse that I am making. He probably thinks I am having second thoughts after last night. I dragged him out to my car and talked to him and explained that I couldn't take my mind off him all day.
This weekend looks like the first chance we might have to stay above freezing at night. I am so ready for spring or summer for that matter. I just want to be warm and do things out doors without the possibility of frost bite.
I read some of the journal entries here and I think "Oh Boy" I am so out of touch. I feel like a ten year-old in a gay bar.
Not being out yet and not even being sure that I am a gay kid is frustrating. They say if you have to wonder about yourself that you probably are, gay that is.
I met this guy at the coffeeshop last night. He is a senior at a high school in another town near here. So far my gaydar has not developed well enough to say if he is or not but he did stick around to talk to me after I got off.
If full-blown gaydar puts little antennae on you head then I have these little nubs that don't even show through my hair yet.
I am impressed with all of you who noted me after my post about being gay. Thank you all so much. I feel for the first time, like I have some friends who understand and it really makes me feel better about myself.
I really get it now. It's all about not trying to be what people expect from you just because you are gay. I will take that with me and remember it always.