My period started yesterday. I've been getting it for about two years and I'm still not used to it. I still get monster PMS. I rarly get through it without breaking down and sobbing for no reason at least once. And I get mad and I lash out at people and I still groan in surprise and disgust every time it starts again. I just can't get used to it.
I havn't been on since sunday *gasps*, that's a really long time for me, I usualy go on every day or every two days. The reason I havn't been on, I hurt my right wrist. I did it by playing the harp.
I met with Anike for the second time yesterday. Anike is my history teacher and the one person who I feel like I can talk to about anything. I know I can say anything on here but oasis can't replace seeing a person and talking to them, face to face. I was planing on telling her about my gender, or lack there of, on that day.
I can't decide if I should come out or not at my sleep away camp. For a while I've been like, "I'm gonna come out and finaly kill this g-d damned closet which has been pissing me off so much". Then I briefly mentioned it in another journal entry and people were like, "whoa, think about this a little, you really do care what people think".
Over the past couple of weeks i've been questioning my sexuality. I kept trying to think about boys which made me really confused. I wasn't sure why I was doing this then yesterday I was thinking about my sexuality and I was like, "I can't possibly be gay, it's unnatural". Then I was like, holy crap, why am I thinking this, it's not true.
I've decided to see what would happen if I put a lot of effort into harp. I've been practicing for about two hours a day, sometimes even more. I used to practice about 30-60 minutes so this is a lot for me. The result is awsome!!!!! Today I got this song called polka up to speed. It's a really hard song but I've gotten it up to speed and it's pretty smooth in under 2WEEKS!!!!!!!!!
All of the following paragraphs are about different things so if you don't want to read the entire entry then feel free to skip around and only read a few paragraphs.
I got a movie called fingersmith. It was really good up until the end. It's about this guy named Mr. Rivers who gets a girl named Sue to convince another girl named Maud to marry him. Mr. Rivers wants to marry Maud because she's really rich, once he gets her money through the marriage he's going to put her in a mad house. Sue will be payed 3000 pounds if she convinces Maud to marry Mr.
Last year I came out to my friend Phoebe and told her I had a crush on her. I also told her not to tell anyone. She was straight but she seemed fine with it. She was soooooo nice, she put her arm around me and said "that's ok, I'm not gay but we can still be friends". She didn't act any differently around me. She's still one of the very few people I feel comfortable talking with about girls.
I have these different characters that I cycle through for fun. I come up with them. I can be having a regular conversation with someone and then if I feel like it I'll switch into a random character, I change my vioce and my posture, it's pretty convincing. I convinced a friend that I had multiple personality disorder as a prank once.
I finaly figured out how to bind successfuly!!!!!!!!!!!
I came back from our end of the year trip yesterday. It was really fun. The first day we hung out in this little tourist town that was really corny but fun because we could just run around with all of our friends and get ice cream and candy and clime the rocks that were near the town and play in the stream and no one could tell us what to do.
I <3 math. Whenever I have a good teacher and a challenging class I like it. This year I've had both. My teacher, Michelle, is the best teacher I've ever had in school. I've cared soooooo much about math this year. We took the non-calculator portion of the final exam on friday. By the end of the day she had graded them and gave me this note:
I've been working on this song called rumba on the harp since sometime in the winter. I just haven't been able to get the feel for it. It goes at about 100 miles per hour so I thought it was supposed to be really jumpy and hyper. Then yesterday and today I went on youtube and watched rumbas. Turns out that the dance is really slow.