I'm oh so naive when it comes to situations.
Such as someone putting your hand on their lower stomach area means they want you to slip it in their pants.
Things like that.
I was rather smashingly drunk at the time but still I figure I should have known that.
What two weeks sober now and I go and fuck it up.
If any of you have watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas you will know what I'm going to talk about.
So I get a text from one of my friends last night that he's learned how to make Ether.
What do I do?
As soon as I'm not staying over at her house I call him up and tell him to bring me some.
I'm surprised how my moods have swung since the last time I wrote.
My weekend was amazing except for being sick all of last week and it looks like I'll be sick this week too.
Anyway about my weekend.
After only having an hour and a half of sleep.
I got angry a lot.
I'm now prescribed Zoloft.
Idk if I"m going to take it though.
I would have wasted my whole day pretty much but I don't care.
So I was going over my most recent entry and something about it bothered me.
I re read my past few and wonder why am I posting this shit?
So I accidentally cut myself really fucking bad at about 4:30 Thursday morning.
I showed my crush's mum because she's a nurse and she said I should have gotten stitches but I didn't want to get sent to aurora or wherever they would have sent me because it is obviously self inflicted and all my other scars.
So I didn't go to the doctor.
I had a really weird vivid dream last night.
I thought about it and figured out that the feelings I had felt in the dream me and the fact that I would shake for no reason was what my mind views how a withdrawal would go.
I realized that I could end up like that in the future and in a sick way I want to see if it will really happen.
My crush has been talking about getting a girlfriend.
when drugs have become such a large part of your life.
4/20 was supposed to be my last day smoking pot.
I smoked a bowel before I came home tonight.
The thing is I don't really care that I broke that to myself.
I don't really care about much now a days.
And I have mad craveings for coke right now.
Its such an amazing high..
I might break down.
I was clean for a month.
One of my really close friends got in a car accident.
He died on the scene.
The driver was drunk.
Its been like two weeks.
It still hasn't hit me.
I miss him
I haven't realized I won't ever see him again.
I'm afraid of what I'll do when I finally realize that.
In other news I went camping in the desert on monday until yesterday.
Since I have been on here.
A lot has happened.
I decided that I was bi, and then proceeded to get a boyfriend.
I actually liked the boy, he was attractive, skinny, full of problems a little feminine but that was very fine with me.
We dated for about a month and a half then broke up because I felt he didn't want to go out.
The song that no one sings,
She's a myth that I have to believe in,
All I need to make it real is one more reason.
-Slipknot: Vermillion part 2
I see a habit there. I always start off with parts of songs.
I haven't been here in so long.
So far it seems everyone I knew is doing well.
Whats been happening in my life?
Fighting with my mum.
When it it hits you you feel no pain.
One good thing about music
when it hits ya you feel no pain
So hit hit me with music
Hit me with music now yea
hit me with music
brutalize me with music.
I absolutely love them, and that part of the song right now makes me feel a bit better.
I've been very numb or the past three days.
It should be tarted up, performed. The music is the mask, while I in my chiffon and taffeta..."
Jack off Jill is a good band.
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out.
Ah I like that song >_<
Infuriatingly enough I'm starting to like someone who I know nothing will happen.
Firstly she's just realized she might be Bisexual.
She's way cute, she was very worried when she came out to me.
I love that kid, I'm so excited I get to see her on Tuesday.
Who forgot their e-mail and pw, So they magically turned into a lion months later.
So I've been away. Working working working. I hate not having any time to hang out with my friends. Stupid car payment, I can't even drive.