Oasis. I miss writing on a blog and keeping track of my life. Or being able to have an outlet. I've just been busy and then I stumbled across my old journal and I knew that I had to fall back into it. Especially since I need help, I guess.
I lived in Baltimore because coming to college in New York. I'm about 200 miles from home and about 3 1/2 hours away from my girlfriend of 2 and a half years.
is a wretched thing.
the most jealous person alive.
It's really unhealthy and not normal. I have no idea what the hell I think sometimes.
On another note, I got sent to the counselor today at school. It was god awful. It's pretty bad when your teacher tells you that you're in desperate need of counseling, and then tells someone so that they get you it.
I really didn't know what to do with myself.
way too much,
way more than is safe.
She's my weakness.
That'll never fail.
I think I worry about things way more than I should. Or I just feel like I am completely crazy for not being able to just sit back and just go with how things are, without thinking about how things were.
I haven't written an entry in some time, but I have been reading everyone else's.
Yesterday was my eighteenth birthday, and it was actually a really good day considering how things have been on or off lately. I'm pretty excited for various reasons, but I'm kind of afraid that since I'm not legally bound to my dad, I'm at a bigger risk of being kicked out.
It's been awhile. I'm writing this because I feel that I have something to get off of my chest, even though it's just redundant and probably just irrelevent.
Last night I finally came out to my best friend of three years, after putting it off for about a year. It was extremely hard, and honestly, I didn't think it would come until farther down the road. I just felt like I was holding everything back.
I decided to write 100 worthless facts and useless information about me. I don't really know what compelled me to do it, but I really like to break things down.
Don't feel compelled to read it. Lol
1. I like my handwriting and love when people compliment it.
2. However, I’m really awkward with compliments and can’t accept them normally.
So I haven't talked to C in what feels like forever, which I understand is apart of the whole 'break' process. As well as apart of the, 'let me figure out my sexuality' process. But it's just hard. Before, it was like - we had to talk to each other. And now, whenever we make this awkward small talk online, it feels like we'd be better off just not forcing it.
This is just going to end up being a rant.
Okay, so on top of the turmoil of figuring out my sexuality in the midst of the big picture and the outside world, I've been trying to figure out my relationship, past and present, with C.
Okay. So I told the first person (who isn't my lesbian bestfriend/ex girlfriend) that I am infact bisexual.
C knew because well, she's a lesbian. And there was just comfort in that. But we had our relationship, our perks and our flaws. And it came down to just allowing it to be open. She's out and I'm like a retarded moral wreck, so I'm slowly (but surely) just trying to get out there.
Okay, so I'm new to the website and have just been browsing before I told myself I was comfortable enough to just start writing and ranting. I have a really long story that's been going on behind the scenes in my life and I just want to get it out and channel the mass confusion in my brain.
So to lay out the people I'm about to throw out there:
S - is my best friend.