Lately,I've been really confused about my orientation.
Im actually what they call 'sexualy fluid'. But stuff has made me think more deep into all this...
Yesterday, my socalled EX, said, " you know,there are these center's...where they help turn queer poeple into straight.Besides,there's nothing like being queer...its all in your head"
Its true. I really like him.He's a great guy.Too nice to me.
Yep.Its like that.I wonder why.I mean,he's really good at whatever he does to me.And this is pretty weird for me,because im mostly Pleasure Driven.And if i DUNT feel like ripping my lover's clothes apart,means there's something wrong going on.
He's a really nice guy.
That's all i can say. I love every moment spend with him. I can just be with him...laugh with him...look at him...play with him...not do anything at all,but still feel SO good.
And frankly,this is my first relationship[out of 10] in which i dunt feel the need to be always doing "stuff" with him...i can be this kid with him,and he still finds it attractive O.O
I was at her place.Technically,i was supposed to go to this other friends place but she went out with her folks[a last minute plan].So i had to go to S's house as it was nearby and i really dint have any other place to go.
I say "de-personalised" because of the things im doing,but i duno why im doing it.I just feel like im outside my body,and im watching myself make the wrong choices.I want to reach out and tell myself to stop but i cant. Something's holding me back.
I guess u guys do know abt Id,Ego and Super-ego,right? Its all Frued's creations. The 3 levels in Human Personality.
So much has occured these past few days!
But i shall state the most important info:
There we were...sipping our Chocolate Mocha's,Hazel Mocha's and Vanilla Cream's,in the corner sofa of the most peaceful envirnment at Cental Perk.
Except it was too good to be true because my ex was there too,and something had to go wrong.
She's so vibrant yet composed! The way she talks...well,more like types.
The thing is,i met her over Facebook. She's Bisexual too and is a senior at school. So i personal msg'd her on Facebook itself. Its been 5 days and we already have exchanged 10 msg's! And that too,really long one's! She's briliant...if nothing of that sort happens,we can definetly be best friends[yes,we got along SO well].
Yoga is SO freaking hard! All those weird positions and stuff..gosh!
I feel weak and wobbly...not stable enough. My guru[teacher] had warned me earlier itself that my body is gona ache the 1st few days.
Oh gosh...Finally im in this site! It wasnt working for 3 days! I was SO upset...I mean,that's when i actually realised how much i love and miss Oasis [puppy face:p]
Anyway,im glad its working now :-D
First of all,i want to thank all those who commented on my last journal.
You guys are amazingly sweet and concerned.The fact that ya'll reached out for advising me,in itself,is very honouring.
So i let my FUCKING libido decide. I went to his place and we fucked each other like mad. [That would actually be an understatement.]
And now im losing my mind thinking about PREGNANCY.
Ive lost it,ive gona mad,officially.
WHAT IF I GET PREGNANT????!!!!!!
WHY THE F-U-C-K DINT WE USE A CONDOM??!!
Ok,so basically he "pre-ejaculated".We used to whole "withdrawal" method,u know?
I am officially fucked in the head. I used to just think i am...but now,i have PROOF.
I called my ex boyfriend up and told him im coming over at his place.
And his parents are gone off to a trip somewhere. So basically NO ONE WILL BE HOME!!!!
And this is the boyfriend, i DUMPED. I broke up with him! Now why in the world wud i go and supposedly make him think that we are gonna get it on??!!
Why the FUCK is there anything in our fucking body called the HEART?!
No really.I wana know. And why does it break?And keep breaking?Until the point you duno if your even alive? How come you think your O.V.E.R this god damn person BUT every break up song/scenario reminds you of that freakin person who fucking seems SO peacefull and happy in their life??
From Paramore,is actually cute.
in this weird way.
*Sigh* I love rocker chicks.
And the butch one's too.
Oh and Sia[From the 'Breathe Me' fame] is dating a girl.
Yep,It seems she's "exploring" her sexuality.