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I Swear, Mom

they were throwing flower petals like confetti
I swear, mom
they made the wind blow
through my hair; made it look like I walked
into a hurricane
the music was loud, that’s why I’m
not listening
it’s the buzzing in my ears
not anything else

not thoughts of her in her pretty dress
her hand in my hair
our bodies moving in time to some
heavy downbeats
repetitive mumblings
the words
always
have something to do
with sex

I swear
I don’t remember
um maybe
well….

mind blank like white paper.
word processor.
stalled writing,
talking,
thinking
over ages.

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* slaps self on head *

I really hate britney spears

but that song eveyone knows "ooops I did it again," really is the perfect way to describe my situation

I hooked up with that guy from camp. We're going to do like a casual friends with benefits thing I guess. I said I wouldn't do it, but I did. Ooops.
I realized that I actually am into guys. It's quite unnerving
It's just fooling around. It doesn't mean anything. I just need someone to kiss and touch and be with. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's better if it doesn't.

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Canadia

So I'm in Canada (not canadia) with my school choir. I've heard the words "canadian" and "canadia" and "o canada" more times than I have ever previously heard in my life.

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I'm single now, I guess

So i was told to update my blog. Being the wimpy, lustful pushover that I am, I did so immediately.

I'm moping about
not doing all my schoolwork, not doing much of anything.

Some stuff coming up...
choir auditions are on monday and tuesday, Callbacks on wednesday.
I don't have a solo yet... I was thinking of doing the oompa loompa song. or maybe the dragontales theme song.... as a joke
I don't know if I want to get in to the top choir. I have a pretty good chance of getting in, but it's so much work.

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the only time I've really cried

I rarely cry
but I cried on the way home in the car, staring out the window and seeing nothing but my own tears

The first time I met him I was nervous
but there was no reason to worry
he looked like a big, cuddly teddy bear
smiling cheeks, flippant hands, his hair long in the front, short in the back, and sticking out at odd angles

Every week he would be so happy, and tell us of his life
attempted suicide, witchcraft, social workers, unrequited love

Every week we saw him, without fail, open up his arms and be so happy, radiating love like a space heater

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I watched MILK, finally

So I'm feeling kind of strange

I just got back from Camp Everytown:
http://www.svccj.org/ourwork.html#everytown
(it's awesome, check it out if your school does it)

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girls, girls, girls

well just three girls in particular

I know I haven't been on in an astoundingly long time. School is eating up my life, I know that isn't a great excuse, but when I don't have school I'm too exhausted to do anything...

So I've been having a lot of girl issues. I've been with this girl "L" for a while. Kind of. The only times we saw each other, we would just.. fool around. We barely talked, and we didn't even talk to each other on valentines day.

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Life.

Hey all

Haven't been on in a while....

A bit of stalking Ruby's journal, but doesn't everyone? :-)

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Happy Place?

I haven't been on in a.. long... while. I have no time anymore to read through every post and write long rats about nothing anybody(including myself) could possibly care about.

This school year started with motivation and 2 AP classes. I've been pouring out songs that I can actually bear to listen to, and am in an audition choir at my school. I am confident and well-balanced.

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La Luna

Do you remember that time when we were driving and you were speaking, and I was writing down what you had to say? Do you remember that, Luna?

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The end... The beggining

This school year is nearly over.
thank whoever it is needs to be thanked

I'm a completely different person from who I was this time 12 months ago, and I think I'm more myself. I've been on a long journey to try to find myself, and I'm somewhere entirely new and different. I think it's nice here. I'd like to stay here a while.

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Mourning is a Process

School is almost finished for the year
the year that went by so fast could never have been stretched out longer

my dad says that I have to just hold on as hard as I can for the next week and a half and then I can finally break free

my grandpa died three( or so, time is so convoluted) weeks ago and I have yet to mourn

The week that he was incapacitated, after his stroke, was a blur.

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Letting Go

So I haven't been online in...... forever.
The reason I am now is that I can't go to school, so I have the day to do with as I please (well not exactly).

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Fun Fun Fun

Ha. I'm on spring break!

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In The Beginning

Once upon a time, there was a land filled with wonder and delight and all of God's happy fluffy creations. All the creatures lived happily. And then God made Eve. And he saw that she was perfect. And Eve because friends with all of the happy animals and it was good. But none of the animals could talk, and Eve began to get lonely because God was too busy with everything to talk to her.

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