My friend sent me this today. Pretty cool, I guess.
My parents are demanding to be involved with the decision on my name.
I can't find on one on my own, apparently.
I wrote this mad long letter to my parents coming out as transsexual transmale FTM whatever whatever. I held back my emotions and refused to let myself feel anything at all when I sent it, because I was scared to feel much about it because I was so scared of what they were going to think.
It isn't right because I want to run screaming from you.
It isn't right, because I know I don't love you-
because when I said 'yes' to you, I went back to my dorm room and felt nothing. The prospect of dating you didn't excite me at all.
I found the thread, and pulled.
Through my belly, unravelling my insides.
They cut the root from the stem; it was a good thing.
It should be perfect, but one dead old man
continues to haunt the words "I love you"
and life is unlivable.
I don't regret breaking you, because
I haven't forgiven you.
If you were stronger, you wouldn't have hurt me.
So I was watching TV last night, and this ad for LEVI Jeans came on- I'd seen it before, where he pulls up his pants and this phone booth pops up from the ground, and there's a hot lady there. She starts mad-doggin' him, and then he pulls his pants up the rest of the way (and the street and everything explodes into his room) and the lady gets out of the phone booth, and they walk off together.
She tells me I'm strong and it makes me weak.
She makes me weak.
I want to tell them I know more than they ever will. I want to stake a claim in her heart.
I want to break them when they hurt her.
I don't know if I'm being honest with myself.
I decided to make a drastic splurge and buy myself a LUTS doll. They're these super expensive korean resin ball-joint dolls that are absolutely gorgeous. They're extremely androgynous- it tells you in the title of each model whether it's a boy or girl, which is really helpful because it's often very hard to tell. The clothes don't help, either! For example, the model I ordered is named "Mill."
Today I was late getting out of the house.
The bus made lots of stops, because there were tons of people who wanted to ride it, today.
The train got stopped around four times in the tunnel...
I guess I'll write a journal entry. I mean, what harm can it do?
(I just wrote a long entry, decided it was all crap, and deleted it! Gah!)
Okay! Okay. What can I write here?
A lesbian? No.
Pansexual. Pansexual? maybe...
Apart from all of that progressive thinking business,
how no-one has a certain gender or sexuality,
it's all about whom you love-