idk if you'll read this i dont mind if you do or dont but what happened the other day was completely rediculous. we were best friends for like... three years and then you got with her and all the sudden i didnt matter anymore and you wonder why i think its her fault? then when i get upset because she's talking about me behind my back and what she's saying is lies? and then the only you have to back up what you think is truth in those lies is texts from my ex? do you see how this all doesnt piece together?
i dont associate with you so,
LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BLOG.
tonight i wanna slit my wrists
hold the blood to god's lips and say taste this
tonight i could swear even the man in the moon
is a rapist
and stars are nothing but scars
bullet wounds from humanities drive
by firing at the face of the sky
tonight crying would be too easy
it would please me too much
and no i don't want you to touch me
cause your hands are clean
and i'm filthy
guilty with the blood of something beautiful
all over me
i've been weak and leaking so much poison
in all the rivers around me
the fish are dying
and the trees are vying for some light
i havent cried over you in a long time.
where'd my self control go.
you make me want to projectile vomit all over,
i would hope that if that happens that most of it will hit you in the face.
your a bitch.
you wont respect someones wishes.
you have no filter.
quit trying to have your cake and eat it to.
i wanna punch you in the face. you bitch.
i hate your words.
i hate your actions.
i hate that your better than me.
i hate your closeness.
i hate the realness.
i hate it all.
but mostly i hate how i dont hate you, because you make her happy.
i wish i were you, and thats something i dont do to often, ya know, wish i was someone else.
maybe thats apart of me becoming a new person.
sooo, i feel like my heart is a fountain drink.
ya know one of those drinks where as soon as you finish the drink the waitress automatically fills it back up again. so its like always full?
everytime i pour my heart out to her, i feel better for five seconds and then its full again and ready to spew threw my mouth.
i feel like everytime i try and tell her how i feel, im annoying as fuck.
slap an emo sticker on my head.
i deserve all this but its not something one can go threw without crying and being angry at themself.
i hate being sober while trying to deal with this.
its just like second punishment ontop of the original.
i dont know what to do.
im definitely not going to turn to drugs, because that'll just drive you further away.
i want you back.
Red belt is my past.
yes all you lesbians, i mean the tegan and sara song.
and before you all go rushing into thinking its something sexual,
its not, i read an interpretation on a site talking about the girl having bad habits, and sara not wanting to believe the habits are true, or that she'll stop, the girl giving her a "remember the good things" shpiel, etc. sara realizing that the girl will never stop her habit, but not wanting to leave.
"i just want back in your head"
"im not unfaithful but i'll stray, when i get a little scared"
"run run run, run, run"
your a bitch.
you wont read this.
because you have no idea what this site is.
feels good to say it though.
just know that next time you fuck up, i wont be as nice.
peace, love, hope.
so i've havent blogged in a long long LONG time.
i'll just update everyone until i have the energy to write something meaningful. this might sound like a pity part invite but i'll assure you that its not.
Today is my birthday :]]
im living with my aunt because my mom got a new verbally abusive boyfriend and i decided rather than making her choose that i was just going to be away from the house for awhile. so far so good.
i've realized that i like the whole idea that avon has, but i dont connect with the product, im still going to participate for a few dollars here and there but i'm starting a new job as a mystery shopper, because its guarenteed. you have a long list of businesses and i walk in as if im a normal costumer :]] its good for me because i normally over-analyze things anyways and thats pretty much all your doing. OH!!!! and!!! guess what makes me a happy lesbian!? i can work with HOOTERS! get a free meal and some good looking babes bringin me food, AND i get paid for it! YES!!!!