Valentine's Day weekend was beyond epic.
We talked, we fucked, we did couply things, we stayed up 'till crazy hours of the morning sharing in each other's thoughts. It was all the things we knew connected us, but it was nice to actually do them.
Hehe, Interac. Anyways.
I'm ready to cry. My partner's been in the hospital for too long and they're refusing to do the surgery. And I feel all alone here in my city in my queer, polyamorous, bdsm perspective.
It is *so* nice to reconnect with my old music, my old friends, old partners. It feels like I've been in this other world; and it's good to know that there are things and people that will pull me back to my own. I'm talking to a high school ex, and something feels at home... 'right.' Not the sickening "let's get together and have babies kind of right." Just the... they knew me with different labels and identities, these people... and yet they still knew just me; it's nice to be in a comfortable context, and yet a different one. It's calming. *love*
Having gotten a PM from one of the members here, I started a small spiel on what was up... then hit the back button accidentally. Yay!
So I'll just write up a journal entry instead, lol.
Things to talk about are usually the things that are on the verge of change; nudges and curiousities, yanno?
I guess mine, at the moment, are...
Today I realize that I'm with a dom transman; an intimate master in bed, a heart that beats in ways so human, a mind that is aware of its own ups and downs.
We're lucky to be, to have found each other. I'm in love and, juvenile as it is, that's all that matters in my life at this moment.
I'd better get my head together for my avocado and potato and golden beet salads this afternoon. Oy vey! School XD
I am uncomfortable with how much Tig turns me on. He has his moments, and in those I am very attracted to him. It makes me fear losing control. I know he would enjoy dominating me, too, but he enjoys being submissive more, as far as he's said. I really want to be in a mental space to top him. But he's so very attractive to me...
If Tig and I decide to play next time I see him, him and Alex are going to have to sit down and have a conversation about what Alex does and does not want to know. They're bros, so Alex is very uncomfortable with the thought of Tig and I, but I am my own person and he certainly can't restrict me.
Christmas Dinner (or Queermas Dinner, as the host, Cyron, likes to call it), was great. It was warm and friendly; full of family and food; relaxed, chill, and lovely. Come nighttime, I snuggled and talked on the couch with Tig. Apparently I left some bite marks and bruises. Wicked!
Merry Coming Christmas!
I love this place, and do still read a few journals (Riku's most religiously, hehe).
Eclipse is done too, now... well, was done a couple days ago, but we all know what happened then ;)
Just finished New Moon. Since it is her book, I also miss my sister. Since Edward and Bella interact so familiar, in some ways, I want my ex. I always wonder, with past relationships, which parts were reality and which were projections of an idea(l).
In other news, sexual adventures w/ others are good also because they give you new ideas of what to do with yourself.
The end :)
I surrendered to my sister's tastes and read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer... I thoroughly enjoyed the first third of the book, and after that I could feel her stretching out the story... of course, that part you read anyways - obsessively, but with little admiration. The last third was at least decent.
I want to cry. I wish I could cry and get it all out; but everything is so simple and inexplicable. There aren't a million clear thoughts running through my head; it's all just about waiting and seeing what happens. It's like a state of being frozen in time while real life whisks by you. It's addictive, and I need to unfreeze. Unfreeze it; move; be excited by something.
Wow, I just read "Advice from Toblerone" in the Coming out section, and it made me cry; the part about his parents saying that it's not something that can be changed, and they'll all just have to live with it, that they're sorry they couldn't help the confusion more when he was younger, that they love him just as much if not more...