Months and months, Oasis. How the hell are ya?
I don't even know what I want to write right now, but I know I do want to write something... hmm.. I guess since I didn't write anything for the entire summer I'll do a brief recap.
Basically, summer was tennis. I played tennis A LOT. I actually got a really bad sunburn from not properly protecting myself and playing tennis for three hours. It was a huge bitch :)
A very long while. So I'll describe Thursday... Thursday was my school's lacrosse team's finals. Vic is on the lacrosse team and throughout the week she had been asking me to come to the finals over and over again. When I told her that I WAS going she was really excited, and told me to make a sign lol. So G and myself went to the finals, we got a ride with Em's mom. Em is also on the lacrosse team. The first half was really good, me and G cheered a lot; mostly for Em and Vic. The second half was bad though, we started to lose.
Um so, every morning this week I've been chatting with Vic at her locker and omg she has amazing arms :|. Like amazing. She isn't a body builder or anything but she's toned. Yeah I'm going to stop talking about her arms now. On Tuesday though I was in the library at school "researching" on a computer for Anthropology and all of the sudden Verity appears behind me because she was with her religion class also doing research.
So it has been confirmed, by the woman herself, that Vic straight. "Only boys for me", fuckkk. That seriously saddens me, since I was so sure she was flirting. And so, I am alone. 100% alone in the world. I know two gay people. Maddie and Hilary and they don't count because I don't talk to Maddie so she might as well not exist and Hilary lives in England so she might as well not exist either. Also Hilary is busy being bitter.
I broke up with Hilary on Wednesday. I couldn't do the long distance thing anymore. It was too much, it was eating away at me. In the end I was starting to not like her anymore either. She was jealous of EVERY person I talked to, male or female :S. I couldn't be dishonest with her anymore, so I broke up with her. She took it very badly... luckily her friend was sleeping over so she couldn't hurt herself. As she was threatening to do. Now she's just being extremely bitter. Whatever.
Last Saturday I went over to my friend Em's house with Chandler and Am (All of whom are female). We were working on a project. Then we went to the store to get something for our project and Chandler and I found these absolutely RIDICULOUS one piece, pinstripe, strapless outfits. With a belt attached. So we tried them on, of course. Then I put the picture on my facebook (Please note that my girlfriend, Hilary, effing hates Chandler with a burning passion and thinks we are going to elope or something). I also bought an energy drink from a store. So I was very hyper.
Yesterday after school Verity, Allman, G and I proceeded to go to Starbucks. I've recently been getting into it, it's not too bad. So yesterday we go and Allman (who is a girl :P) and I get espresso shots. We do them and basically go "ew that was gross" then I ordered a tea.
There isn't really such thing as NORMAL... per say. People should get that. EVERYONE should get that.
This is an excerpt from my written journal, about what heartbreak is like. It's kind of random, I was in a weird place when I wrote it.
You know how I spoke of an English girl before? Lets call her Hilary. Well I'm in between a rock and a hard place right now. A very sharp rock and a very hard place. Hilary told me this, "I've completely and utterly fallen head over heels for you. I'm like, in love with you. And don't say anything because I'd rather you not than say you don't love me. So just don't bother. And it kills me that I can't hold you, or kiss you, or talk on the phone everyday, and that you live in a different country. *My name*... I want you like... sooooo badddd. I don't know what to do with myself.
First and foremost I want to be DONE. I want to be FREE of Maddie. FREE. Because I'm still not. It's fucked up. SOMEONE HELP ME FREE MYSELF OF THIS. PLEASE. I beg of you. Someone, anyone. I hate myself for this.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not but I have a friend from England that I met on a forum last September. We talk all the time and we're really good friends. She likes me too, eh? She's admitted. If she didn't live in England we would definately be dating. And I got to talk to her on the phone today! For thirty five minutes, stupid calling card. That wasn't enough. Her voice is like, beautiful. It's musical. I could listen to her talk all day. She likes my accent too apparently. She made fun of the way I said "effort" and a ton of other words.
This being a certain dream.
Basically I'll go a couple of days without thinking about... her (her being she that has been mentioned only a thousand times in this journal, Maddie.) Anyways, I'll go a couple of days without thinking about her and then one night my subconcious is like "Oh, P.S., you know that thing you haven't been thinking about lately because it hurts a lot? Well here's a reminder of what you can NEVER EVER have!" And I'll have a dream about her. That's what happened last night. Actually technically this morning.
The above title is my topic for my anthro/soc/psych isu. Not going so well. I keep forgetting about when parts of it are due and end up not having enough time to do them. I'm possibly one of the most disorganized people ever. My teacher also said she was going to call my parents tonight and it's 9:02 pm and so far she hasn't. Geh. She said she was going to kick my butt today. I still like her though.
Wow I haven't been on here in way too long. I skipped back to the last journal I read and it was around twenty-one pages ago... Scary. Things need to be said.