I'm learning Russian again.
Yeah there aint much more than that, other than I don't have the belly to talk to the hottest guy i've ever seen, who i see pretty much every day.
And I build up some resolve to talk to him, just to say "Hi." and when I actually see him I go weak a the knees and dumb, and can't speak.
I'm so freakin weak!
And, my final thought: I WANT SEX! IF I HAVE TO MUCH LONGER WITHOUT SEX I'M GONNA FREAKIN' SHOOT SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!
Da Svidaniya! (goobye)
I'm sad, and I can't get rid of it.
It sticks like burning tar, and every now and then I think it's gone, and then someone says or does something, the slightest thing, and I'm stuck again.
Even when Alex hugs me and holds my hand,
even when Glen grins his goofy grin and says "I know." Before I say something,
when Kurt talks to me and smiles, after being silent all day,
when Bash smacks me on the shoulder and says "How's it goin' dude?"
When Gabe says I'm cool and lets me in on top secret stuff,
when Chan Ghee says my work is good,
I'm sad, and tired, and angry.
And once again I'm falling beneath everyone's notice.
Do i exist?
Am I a ghost? Fading in and out of peoples lives?
And why is it, no matter how hard I try, I can't get John's attention? (The man I lust for. When I'm not tired, sad, and angry.)
I guess I'm stuck the unsung hero.
It's a lonely existence when all you do is pick up pieces, yours, others, and no-one helps you pick up yours.
When you save people from physical or emotional danger constantly, and get nothing for it.
Not even a "thankyou".
So I go into the cafe to buy some V.
And at one of the tables I saw a guy.
I noticed several things:
1: He was pretty.
2:He had IMMACULATE hair and clothes
3: His right ear was pierced
4: He glanced at me in that "I want to look at you proper, but I'm too cautious so I'll just glance at you instead"
What do I do? WHAT!?
I KNOW he's gay.
My brain SCREEAMS it.
I'm going freakin' insane!
Is he, is he not?
Am I still all alone here, or is there someone else like me!?
Do I ask him?
TOo many questions, can't concentrate!!! >.<
I'm coming down with something.
It better be a cold and not the flu....
The world hates me right now....
I'm possibly a Paranoid Schizophrenic.
Thats it really.
Oh I noticed the hottest guy (next to Adam o' course) in existence at course today.
I want him to fuck me into the ground until I pass out!!!!!!!
Too bad he's most likely straight.
Aragorn is sexy.
That is all.
(Love you Pat! So glad you're back!)
And now to explain: I'm doing portrait in class today, and Aragorn is my model.
And I'm goofing off to write this. Oh noes!
I feel much better from reading Pats post before.
Giving up IS for pussies!!!
I'm never trying to commit suicide again! (Well I'll try a hell of a lot harder than before)
Anyway, I'm gonna kick this portraits ASS!
Love you oasis. (Love you extra adam.)
I FEEL like a cheap useless whore.
My hearts still broken and I'm still dead inside.
But slight improvment right?
Man I'm so destined for the thrice-cursed psych ward.
And it's all his fault.
And yet I still love and miss him.
God I hate myself.
1. What is your occupation right now ? Student
2. What colour are your socks right now? Flesh coloured
3. What are you listening to right now? Kamelot
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Burger King
5. Can you drive a stick shift? No
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Jason the crisis team guy who wanted to come around and watch me all night.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah
8. How old are you today? 17, but I feel much, much , MUCH older.
9. What is your favourite sport to watch on TV? Football (Or soccer, if you prefer)
It's been 4 weeks.
Update on me, my only news:
Shane dumped me.
My heart is broken AGAIN.
I'm nothing but a useless whore.
And I'm dead, where this body drops and rots is of no matter now...
Full Name: Patrick David Cormack Hitch
Birthdate: July 18
Height/Weight: 6' 3" 85 kilos
Eye Color: Green/gray/brown/blue/yellow. (yes yellow.)
Hair Color: Very dark brown
Drive a manual? Narp
Touch your nose with your tongue? Yes
Sing? People tell me I can
Sew? WOOH YEAH SEWING!
Last night my mental walls broke down and I realised just how dangerously depressed I am. 4 pages of scrawled crap that show just how fucked up I am right now. I feel broken....
Anyway, I'm putting the poems up on here, for fun and profit.
Oh sweet silver,
And dripping red,
Oh my silver,
How I shiver,
At the thought,
I’ll soon be dead,
I failed level 2 (as in last year.) miserably.
Luckily I don't care, don't need it for 3-D animation.
In other news; Not only do I not feel like I'm the only gay in the village and therefore alone anymore, I have a boyfriend now.
His name is Shane, and he is beautiful and kind and sweet and I love him.
Hey Turbo Lover just came on on Media Player.
And it's on random.
I WANT CUTTING!!!!
I WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTING!!!!!!
Cutting is good!
But no cutting for me.
Rolled ciggarettes suck.
And not in a good way.
And I want cutting and I'm not allowed and
YOUR GUY SIDE:
[ ] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[x] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own/had an X-Box or Wii.
[x] Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own/had a DS, PS2 or Sega.