There was something I was going to remember to tell you tonight when we had our recently routine 15-20 minute post work/pre sleep phone call, but I forgot. I always forget everything the moment I hear your voice. It's almost as if your voice is a clean slate that completely replaces my entire day.
You know those nights where you're so exhausted from being stretched too thin since you first woke up two and a half weeks ago, but you just can't let yourself drift off to sleep because you know the rest won't be satisfying and you for some ungodly reason miss all too much when the nights dragged on forever as you tried desperately to maneuver your way out of a ballast sealed cocoon woven from the fibers of every highly exaggerated and raw emotion your developing, angry, anxious, confused, isolated teenage mind slashed out for you to obsess over daily?
Three things on my mind: my future with my girlfriend, my classes, and joints
If the link doesn't work, it's called same love by macklemore.
We decided to get each other promise rings. Not like abstinence rings (lol) but more like commitment rings until it's appropriate to get engaged. Which.. I'm guessing will be after I graduate college next may and she joins the fleet (gets a permanent duty station) which will be by next spring as well. We joke about our promise rings warding off bimbos and refer to them as garlic necklaces. It's fun. I did learn some good news though! In states that allow same sex marriage, military same sex couples are allowed off base housing. That makes me really relieved.
Sleepy but can't sleep, don't you dislike that.
In less than a week, I'll be twenty one. It's a good feeling. Though, I wish I could celebrate it with my girlfriend. Boot camp blows.. good news is I do get to go to her graduation. Her sister asked if I had plans to go, her parents aren't able to go due to work conflicts unfortunately, so her sister is riding there with me! I'm very excited. Now that this semester is over with, seeing her is all I can ever manage to think about. It fills me with an overwhelming sense of fuzziness and a smiley mushy warmth of anticipation and relief and pride and love. Gosh.
With six and a half more weeks of boot camp left, it is time to start deciding on whether or not I'm going to her graduation. Hands down, I want to go. I would just have to drive..all seventeen hours there. The longest I've driven myself is four hours one way. I was really hoping her mom or stepdad would invite me to ride with them, but we're not that close. So, I don't see that happening, and it may be that they're already going to have a car full. If I was old enough to rent a car, I'd just fly.. but I can't rent a car, and I don't think any public transportation goes to the island.
in cash, that is. I'd probably audit a ton of classes to learn about whatever I wanted to without the stress of exams. I have four tests this week. Ahhh. School and work are great when they keep me entertained enough to make the days go by faster and to distract me from realizing how much I miss my girlfriend.
But I'm finding when work and school get to be a bit too much, so does the realization that she is half the country away and I don't get to simply hear her voice for ten more weeks.
Kind of sick to my stomach today, homesick maybe.
Sometimes I wonder if she ever lies awake after 'lights out' on the top bunk of her rack staring at the dark ceiling wondering about me, wondering if I truly love her even though she's one thousand and twenty three miles away, wondering if I'm being faithful, if I even miss her, if I'll committ to holding her and never letting go when she returns.
Today has been a very exciting day. I looked out my window, and I saw the mailman.. I thought to myself..my girlfriend has been in basic for two weeks, all the significant others in the online forums about boot camp say their first letter arrived in two weeks.. maybe the mailman has a letter for me from fox!
The girlfriend is officially gone for boot camp. She arrives at the base sometime in the middle of the night, has to stay awake for three days straight, and then will undergo nonstop marine corps recruit training for 13 weeks.
I told her I'd write her every day. Even though I won't be able to send the letters for a few weeks, I'm writng the first one today.
This is the first semester I've had a 300+ level course, and I'm taking three - genetics, virology, and parasitology. They're challenging, I wish this semester was over with. Come October 22nd, it should go by fast. That's the date my girlfriend leaves for marine corps basic training. As you can imagine, I'm a little nervous. In a 5 month time period, we haven't gone more than 3 days without seeing each other. We'll be spending 3 months apart while she's in bootcamp.
I'm proud of her. It's a great opportunity for her to establish her future, and I am very excited for her.
My girlfriend leaves for bootcamp in eight weeks. That's 2 months. We've only been together for four months now.
By the time she's back, a third of our relationship will have been spent with her at bootcamp.
This amazing woman finally comes into my life, and she's leaving in two months. Figures.
I love her...of course, she doesn't know that quite yet. I don't really know what to do. I support her fully, but ..she's going away for 13 weeks. Then whenever that's over with, she has schooling somewhere for another 3 months.