Do you know what's so incredibly annoying? When people can't accept that dynamics and relationships change in the presence of new people. What's even more infuriating is when people get angry about the change in the dynamic or the resistance to that change.
So, I realize I dropped off the edge of the world again, but fuck, I'm a flake, what do you expect?
You know, this will probably turn into another of my useless tirades, where I end up just doing complete circles around ideas and arrive at nothing useful. But hey, whatever.
Anyway, today I had a methacholine challenge to formally diagnose asthma. It wasn't actually that exciting. Nothing really happened. I mean yea, I wheezed more during the peak flow tests, and I had trouble breathing, but I had the preconceived notion that I would, in fact, have a full fledged asthma attack.
You know, I always have the hardest time with journals and blogs. I'm not interesting, or at least I don't think I am. But for some reason, I think it's a cool idea to journal or blog. But then I don't actually like looking back on them, because it's weird to see how I used to think. I guess it's because I'm the type of person that doesn't really like at the past. It's not interesting and I already carry my notions of people and things.
Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? I don't even know how many years. I'm pretty sure that last time was when I still had a romance going with Andy. That was a good two or three years ago!
“One, two, three, four – tell me that you love more. Sleepless, long nights – that was what my youth was for” are the lyrics playing over the stereo in my pick-up. Every single time I hear it, I get the same, exact feeling. Blood starts coursing through my veins and arteries, going so fast as if my heart’s going to burst my capillaries. I start sweating like my mother did during menopause – God, was that an awful time!
Tegan and Sara are coming to the local concert venue nearest me in a month.
It's okay if you're jealous or angry with me. I understand.
Been a while, huh?
Anyway, I just need to rant, REALLY BADLY. No, I don't have another boy I'm chasing after. Well, I do, but that's like six. But still, that's not the point.
Y'see, there's this kid that's in my fourth period computer programming, and he's a hard-line Republican/Libertarian. Which I can't stand at all, under any circumstances. I hate to say this, but I can't respect anyone who supports the main stream Republican or tea party ideology.
Will you have sexual intercourse in the next two weeks?
What is something you currently want?
My damn subaruuuu that I'm getting next week!
What is something you disliked about your day?
My neck pain =\
Do you tend to get really easily excited about things?
Depends. If it were to be a new Imogen or Mika album, I'd be off the wall.s
I bet you're going to kiss someone tomorrow, right?
Has anyone ever laid next to you all night?
I think so?
Do you get distracted easily?
Has anyone ever sprayed you fully clothed with a hose?
Andy, my last boyfriend, is a fuckwad. Don't get me wrong, he's sweet, and he's attractive, but that's all a russ. He's an incredibly self-centered and egocentric prick, and the worst part is, he doesn't know it.
So today was Green Up Day at my school for the elementary.
But, you folks probably don't know about this mystical day, now do you?
I hate competition. I just hate it. I don't want people to actively watch me exercise and to judge me exercising. I really can't stand the glorification of athletics. I'm exercising for me, not so people can see me run around a circle, really fast.
I hate John Steinbeck. Everything he writes is, quite frankly, absolute rubbish. He overuses imagery, metaphor and symbolism so much in all of his stories, and I feel like it detracts so much from the plots. Why can't things be simply and in plain sight, with delicate metaphors swirling in the background? I'd really prefer not to read something steeped in some much intracity that I end up passively reading a chapter, because I'm so bored out of my mind.
So about ten months ago, I started to court this kid named Andy. He was a really sweet kid - he was soft spoken, quiet and liberal, and he came form an amazing household. His father is a social worker and his mother is a naturalist. Further, he was homeschooled until ninth grade. So, I figured that, back then, I had scored an amazing boy. And he was all pure and a virgin, and I just figured this would be a sweet love story.
But his want from me faded and burned out, and three months later, he broke up with me. It broke my heart, but whatever, things change, right?
Life's on the upturn right now. And it's really invigorating actually. I feel released and free from the bell jar of monotony that I've been stuck in.
I've given up on the AP exams. I find them to be absolutely useless and inaccurate reflections of individuals academically. Besides, isn't my education supposed to be about learning the curriculum - not passing some idiotic test?
Thus, I've resigned myself to opting out of the exam for AP Literature next year. I'll do AP Calculus for the hell of it... maybe.