for the first time in three years i lost a chess game to my dad. i disgust myself.
so i was giog to hang with my ex today, but he kinda blew me off. he hasnt contacted me at all either to give me a reason....
hopeful side: its only 6, he could still come
angry side: yeah right he isnt coming stupid
hs:well he wouldnt do this on perpose to me...
as: what? why would he even waste his time with you?
hs: he said he wants to get back toghether
as: he just wants head
hs: hes deeper then that
as: then why'd he leave you high and dry after he got your hopes up
hs: maybe something bad happened
as:and what are the cahnces of that?
hs; well it could have
my mum is really pissed at me. which is really stupid, it should be the other way around, but all i feel is guilty, which is terrible that my perants have trained me to feel bad when they get angry over me telling them how i feel about something that isnt the way they like it. all i did was ask to go to public school. the school im being forced to go to has three terrible things about it
1. anti gay staff that will attempt to destroy my indivaulity
2. a 10,000 dollar anaul payment required
3.a ton more homework and a ton less extar ciricular activites.
for some reason my school has a massive dose a transphobia(is that the right term?) and it pisses me off. for some reason im supa protective of trans ppl. so today ther was a ton of transphobia from like everywhere, and it just pissed me off insanely. i wanted to bust some of dos bicth heads :/
im so angry at my perants! how DARE they choose for me to get me circumsized(when i was a baby) that wasnt there decision to make! i feel vialated in every way now that i know what all circumsion is about. and i bet it hurt my baby dick like hell D:
i hurt all over, alergies and for no real reason...maybe im getting sick?
BEEP! BEEP! The clock blared that it was time to wake up, trudge through school, come home, jack one out, do homework, watch some TV, and read two chapters of my most recent book, then lights out so the cycle could start again.
so my mum works at the church for a bit of extra income, and today a guy came up and knocked on the door. he wanted for dollars. he only works two days a week, and dosnt get his check till friday. he needed four dolars so his soon could go on a feild trip, he only had three dollars besides what they needed to eat. he came to the church and wanted to know if the churhc would give him four dollars.
so yesterday i found one of my ferrets playing with a dead rat. YOU try getting a dead rat away from a ferret. not fun. i still feel dirty, cause i had to like get a raerly firm grip on it it to pull it away and like had to squeeze it and blood ozzed on my hand DX i washed my hands with 5 difernt soaps, 2 difernt hand sanitizers, and babay shampoo(idk why i used the last one)
so today we were studying the holocaust. i always get a little sick when i study it becausei f i had been born in a difernt place at a differnt time, i could have been there(ya know cause im a flamer and such)
ignorance is a terrible evil. if only it was an enemy you cuold hack down or destroy, but like dieses, poverty and war it always will spring up far away from where you just got done eradicating it.
so a couple days ago i was omcplaining about my imanent aloness for the next how knows how long, so god reached down his hand and gave me a "stop bicthing you complinaer" shock. what was this? my ex bf talking like he wanted to get back togheter.
idk what to do. im so scared of having my heart broken by this guy twice. but at the same time im afreiad of having my heart broken by lonliness. i promised i wouldnt if he crawled and all fors and kissed the ground i asked for before asking for me back...but that seems like such a flimsy promise now. sigh...
so today i was(forced)in the school talent show. i played piano.
my mum made me dress up really nice, and dont get me on, i like wearing nice suit clothes, i think its sharp. but what id ont like is when my mum is driving to the school then STOPS TO BUY LIGHT BULBS AT WALMART WHILE IM IN MY SUIT! i asked to stay in the car, but she made me come. gawd wtf mom? was this punishment for some unkown thing i did? walking through walmart with your mum in a suit past a group of reallyhot guys wasnt fun :'(
so im generally not very pyhsically adapt. ive never been as fast/strong/big as most guys, and i dont intentionally hurt myself to prove my mannes lol some of tose silly striaghtes do :) but the one thing ive always been good at was pullups :D i guess its cause i weigh 100 lbs and am 5'4" and thus just plain not big. but ive been pretty strong for my size, as i have to keep my 150lbs friend from sitting on me till i die. so today i did 31 pullups :D that dosnt sound like a whole lot now lol. but more than any of the guys in my class :D or any of the classes.
so on april 16 is the day of silence! if you dont know what this is, its a day where lgbt ppl and their suporters stay silent all day to represent the silence lgbt ppl and their supporters have to remian in.
no striaghtes aloud! sorry oasis my friend is bing a stalker XD