I'm amazed.. amazed. When I look at my journal and most of the time it isn't even relevant anymore because I was whining about having feelings for someone. But then next time I'm on here.. I don't.
I believe that is what high school does to most. Or it did to me. I've become practically emotionally numb when it comes to matters of the heart.
Unrequited love sucks. I really need to pull my shit together on this one. Like seriously, it's been four fucking years. No one thinks she's even a remotely decent person (and the one person who does... wants to date her)... I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I've become her confidant. Which would be fine if I hadn't realized... hadn't thought about rather, about how I feel about her. I don't care about defining our relationship. We are friends. Weird friends, but friends nonetheless. Thus not only can I not have feelings for her, I can't tell anyone.
I don't want to come on here just to complain.. but hey. It's a good place to do that. xDD
I wrote a journal yesterday.. and I decided to delete it. It wasn't that important it really, it didn't make much sense at all. But I'm keeping the title even though it's a Jewel song and I don't want to admit that sometimes she has good songs..
*hyperventilates* Sometimes I'm so glad people on the internet can't see me. *sigh*
I'll try to make this short. But my good friend (the one I bake with) well I'm also friend's with her sister who I adore. And she is two grades behind us. And her friend is so delicious. Pardon me while I drool. *drools* Okay, I think I'll be fine. But I've had this monster crush on her forever and thankfully I can actually talk to people I fan over. I'll start from the beginning.
OMFG?!?!?! I'm turning eighteen in less than a month (yays!), but that isn't the point. My parent's are divorced and have split custody of me, my older brother and my younger sister. Now, legally when I turn eighteen I don't have to follow their parenting plan. Meaning I don't have to go back and forth every Sunday and live with one parent for one week and then the other for the other week. Confusing for outsiders I'm sure. But it works for us.
unsafe is the word I guess I'm looking for. But I talk to a lot of people I don't know online, and that kind of includes oasis peeps and kind of not. I'm now going to focus on a particular friend of mine. Sorry dear, I don't mean you even though I miss you while you're camping. xD
I've been living in my head a lot lately, I guess that's why I can't make simple conversation. Sorry everyone. I feel bad about it, but I just don't know what I need to do to get myself to snap out of it. I feel awkward as hell talking about everything. And when I do talk it pretty much just blurts out of my mouth.
I'm back from Cuba(Missouri) so not that interesting. I mean it was really fun, but it would be totally different if I went to actual Cuba. I went swimming both days we were there. Which was weird because I don't usually swim. And I did get kind of burnt, but only on my back. It was still really fun. I took like sixty pictures. It's beautiful out there.
Besides being on the rag right now. I kind of gave myself a chemical burn this morning. And God it hurts. I mean it's not like someone actually does that on purpose unless their name is Tyler Durden. But come on, it shouldn't feel this way anymore, that was like.. six hours ago. You know how Nair can be though.
Opinions would be great. I'm turning eighteen in less than two months (I'm excited and super scared) and my mom is getting me a tattoo for my birthday. I've decided to get a Harvey Milk quote on my wrist, the problem is. I don't know which one to get. There's two I have in mind. And I was wondering if anyone wanted to give me their opinion on 'em. Anything is appreciated. xDD
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." --I've seen this several ways, so if you had a defining phrasing, that would also help.
1. Who took your profile picture?
myself (on fb)
2. Exactly what are you wearing right now?
my fav jeans, shirt, underclothes, and my spiffy glasses (yay seeing!)
3. What is your current problem?
you don't wanna know....
4. What makes you most happy?
seeing friends... and coffee
5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Hot and Cold by Katy Perry... shut up
Lj it's what my dad calls me
2. Eye color?
3. Hair color?
I know this is me that's causing a lot of this. I know I caused the myspace drama, thus I deleted my myspace... twenty minutes ago. And I'm trying to make amends. Unfortunately, that isn't going to be... easy. I'll start with the myspace drama to catch anyone up. Basically it was me being a bitchface because I was mad at my ex gf for not having any sort of boundaries so I basically used myspace to bitch her out and inform her that most everyone hates her. Not my proudest moment. But I'm trying to talk to her now to make sure she's like... wel, okay. She has her bf, so she should be fine.
Have you ever seen the last person you kissed naked?
The last person you kissed romantically; was it a drunken or sober kiss?
Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
recent inside jokes?
What is in your backpack right now?
nothing... that I know of
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
my brother ...
Where were the last three places you went
Uncle Bills (all night breakfast place), mall, grocery store
What is the longest you've lived in one place?
When is the next time you will kiss someone?
So I did it. I know that wasn't like a grand wait or anything, but I let her read everything. And boy was she pissed and I should feel bad about things, but you know what? I really don't. I think this will be good for our relationship. Maybe she will FINALLY fucking grow up. Maybe not though. *sigh* I can dream can't I? Even though now the heat is on me instead of my friend (because they were "fighting") I don't even care. I'll go a day or two without talking to her and then she'll want to talk again. It's how we roll. I just don't know about this one.