I don't think I'll have enough time to check Oasis very often.
I've been working on this massive writing portfolio thing for school, and it plus camps plus vacation... Not much time.
Maybe I'll be on more when I'm back in school.
I will check Oasis occasionally, but I don't know if I'll post... So... Yeah.
I just got back (like, an hour ago) from Washington.
We were visiting some relatives... Eh. Pretty boring.
Anyways, we took a train. It was REALLY awesome. I <3 trains...
I really want to write a short story that is based around the conversations people have in the dining car at meals.
I think it's really cool that you are made to sit with complete strangers who you might never have talked to... And yet, somehow, you find something in common. Something to talk about. :)
I'm going to go write it now.
It doesn't feel like summer.
Sure, school ended. I don't have to be with the people that confuse me every day anymore.
But it doesn't feel RIGHT. Usually, I have that uplifting sense that I'm FREE. And I thought I was.
But... I'm not. I still lay awake at night and the tears come just as steadily as they had before.
It's almost like I want to cry. I can't really think of another way to put it. I wish that everything will go away once I think it through.
Yellow chain on the bathtub plug
Tiny blue music player
Gummy candies, some opaque, some clear.
A dance routine I'd never get
Sparkly red shirt
Crazy ass b*tch principal with a farm
Blue fleece jacket
Pink knitted hat
Soft PB&J in a friends lunch
Book of Greek Mythology
Crazy ass b*tch of a teacher
Teacher with the same name as me
Anime guys with super-long hair
Ratings on a piece of paper
Rose arm warmers
We have three days of school left.
I have to make my D in math magically turn to at least a C in THREE DAYS!!!
Plus, I just saw "Seeing Red" in Buffy...
Thing is, we're getting the next disc Monday, so I can't know what happens until then. :(
I'm ushering at graduation tomorrow...
That's going to be interesting.
Formal wear. Ew.
Also, I am continuously listening to Doctor Horrible songs.
My dad sucks.
We got into this debate about Prop 8 when we were walking home from a chamber music thing ...
He can't vote, which I'm happy about, but he said he would have voted for it.
I don't think it's out of homophobia, or at least I hope it isn't.
I'm kinda pissed at him at the moment.
Going to go draw now...
Last night, I had a dream.
C and I were walking around a white place...
We were wearing these flowing white robes, and we sat down on a white bench that seemed to connect with the endless world of white around it.
We were about to hold hands, when everything went dark. I think that was when I woke up.
I remember feeling happy. Like I was in the place I wanted to be.
We were practicing with the school band today (all of the wind instruments and drums), and I realized why I was never attracted to those instruments.
I just came *this* close to coming out to my best friend of five years. *THIS* CLOSE!
I don't know what people see as me, anymore.
I'm that geeky girl who has a college vocabulary level (... I do, actually. xD )
I'm the girl who people confide in, for some reason unknown to me.
I'm that weird, deep girl who philosophizes over lunch.
... Who am I, to them?
Eh. I don't get it anymore. Or care, really. Should I care?
I went to an awesome comic/science fiction convention today...
Got an awesome top hat and a celtic knot ring. :)
I also finished season 5 of Buffy.
I just noticed something, today.
My mom was driving me to school, and I was looking out the window. There was a girl walking across the street. And I noticed her. She was really hot. xD
Later in the day, I had a similar experience. I was sitting with C at lunch, and it just randomly hit me. She's a GIRL. And I am in love with her. That was a nice feeling.
Today is a day of random realization.
Oh, in random news...
My neighbor died of cancer a couple of days ago. I didn't know her very well, but still... It was a bit disorientating.
While some people are happy that it's almost the end of school...
I'M DYING (not literally).
I have about five projects due in the near future.
Oh, and I think I'm failing math. Great.
Also, we have lots of field trips. NOT GOOD.
I need all the school time that there is to work on things.
I want to cry.
Scratch that, I will cry.
Why does life have to be so complicated?
Why can't anyone just be NORMAL?
That's all I ask... Yet it's what I would hate the world to be.
I feel so confused. Alone.
No one in the world (except you, if you're reading this) knows what I am. And yet the entire point is that I can't tell them.
I feel so alone. I know that I shouldn't, but still...
Why can't everyone just KNOW who they are? I mean, you'd figure that your brain is YOUR brain, so it should know what you are... But it doesn't.
How the hell does that work?
Today has been very... Yellow.
At my viola lesson, my substitute teacher had a BRIGHT yellow case...
He was really annoying, though. :/
Also, yellow is sort of a barrier between warm and cold colors...
It is the color of my glass of water.
I found some yellow sunglasses.
Mustard is yellow (it was in my friend's lunch today).
My pencil is yellow and black.
My notebook has some yellow on it.
Because of all of this yellow, I made my watch glow yellow...
I should really do my (not yellow) homework...
Blech. I like procrastinating.
Today is NOT GOOD. NOTGOODNOTGOODNOTGOOD!!!
We were all sitting around at lunch, chatting. Somehow, the topic got to me... And the 'running joke' (hahahaNOT), of me being 'lesboooo!'
My friends ended up being all, 'Are you a homosexual? Are you lesboooo?'
And... I didn't answer them. I didn't say anything. So, throughout the day, they were saying it in the same joking way... But I think they know.
AHH! Do they know what I am before I do??? I have no idea what to do. Go along with it? Tell them?
But I'd much
R A T H E R
Be here to
Mess it up.
That one was kinda random.
If only I could put it
On everything that's me
If only I could see
What's under the paint
If only I could taint
That perfect page
If only I could rage
In my blue ink
If only I could think
Like the rest of the world.
... Inspired by some white-out.