Life happens. It's been pretty awful to me, with some rays of sunshine here and there.
In January, my biological paternal great grandmother died from a terminal illness that no one thought was prudent to tell me she had. Yeah. I found out she died through fucking facebook. I hate my biological father's family, they're all assholes.
The dog my family has had since I was seven died in February. Attacked by coyotes.
In March, my grandmother, who I told you back in October had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, passed away. I'm still having a hard time believing it.
I remember the day so many years ago that my stepdad showed me the engagement ring he'd gotten for my mother. It was beautiful, nestled gently in a black ring box. He wanted me to hide it in the christmas tree on christmas eve when he had her sort of distracted. It was in that moment that I realized my mom had found someone worthwhile. He was the only man I'd want my mom to marry.
He meant so much to the family. To me, he represented a great amount of hope. I saw him and didn't feel as much like I would have to worry about my mom and what would happen once I moved out.
Hello all. It's been ALMOST four months since I last visited this site. Needless to say, a lot has happened.
In sort-of order, I'll give you a quick rundown on my life so far.
In mid-April, I had a cyst removed from my wrist. I had this cyst for a while before anyone decided it was probably a bad idea to let it stay there and possibly keep growing. Oh, here are some pictures of the cyst/removal.
The cyst: http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm36/Lyexsah/Photo0711.jpg
With numbing meds injected: http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm36/Lyexsah/IMG_6574.jpg
I said I was done trying to be serious with guys. That for now, they were just entertainment. I've always been serious with girls, and I only gave a few attempts at trying to be serious and true and honest with guys, which all ended up the same; me feeling heartbroken and alone.
When in reality, it's barely been just over a month since I stopped by here last.
I dunno, I guess there just hasn't been much to say.
I'm going to Utah State next year. School is boring, but it's nice because I get out early every other day.
And I've noticed that lately Mom has shown some... I wouldn't call it concern, but I wouldn't call it interest... Well, mom's been acknowledging my sexuality lately a little more than makes me comfortable. Sometimes it doesn't bug me, but others, it does.
You now I like to ask you questions sometimes. Here's another for you guys.
What would you say your greatest skill is? Your most interesting skill? What is something you learned you could do that you didn't think you could do? What is a skill you would really like to learn?
And, just two last questions.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
And if you could visit/go on vacation anywhere in the world, where would it be?
A girl that is something of a friend of mine. I think today sealed the deal. I totally have a crush on her. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO STRAIGHT GODDAMN.
She's just so cute and sweet. She gets so overexcited about the silliest of things. She'd kinda nerdy, but in a super-cute way.
I'm not normally the sort to bring school drama or almost anything school-related home with me. I'm not the type of person to have to ask anyone about guy troubles, because I usually know how to handle things myself.
But recently, I've entered a situation that's just... to be quite honest, it's a little scary. And it makes me angry.
You see, there's this guy at school.
I'm so heartbroken it hurts to breathe. It all hurts so much.
I'm so stupid.
So I'm a bit complicated in all these areas. I suppose we all are, right? Well, in recent days, I've finally been able to click in the final piece to this puzzle of my sexuality. But maybe I should start with the simple stuff, and move into that. That way, you can kinda understand where I'm coming from.
So now I look all whitey and washed out again. My hair hasn't been red for months, so I figured it was probably time to update. I miss the red, really. I miss it a whole lot. I'm thinking about asking mom to let me dye it again, but I dunno.
Now you guys might or might not know about my hair obsession. I love hair, especially my own. And I love experimenting with color.
To date, my hair has been:
A weird auburn kinda color.
Bleach bleach blonde
Red so dark it only shines red
And then the lighter, ALMOST natural red tone that was in my picture before.
I was just wondering, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? And how does this contrast with what ou want to be/what you are now?
When I was six, I wanted to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN' POWER RANGER. I wanted to be the red one, and I would punch boys because they would always tell me the red one was a boy, and I had to be pink or yellow.
When I was eight, I wanted to be a lawyer.
Now, I senior in high school, I wanna be a Concept Artist for a videogame company.
Zak's most recent journal makes me think that we don't chat enough. So, in the spirit of site-wide love and unity, I pose this question to all of you for us to discuss and have fun with:
What are three things about yourself that you just love?
What are three traits that you love/admire/look for in other people?
Okay, so being the person to bring it up, I'll go ahead and throw my things out there.
What I Love About Myself
Firstly... well, I dunno. I... uh...
Well, okay. Bai moved in with me, right? She lived with me from the first of September to the Monday right before Thanksgiving, but mom sent her back to AZ. She was here for a few months, and couldn't manage to land a job, it's tight here in Provo finding one, and my grades, while not terrible, could have been much better. So, mom sent her home.
Also, I got my ACT scores. My composite score was a 27. I coulda done better if I had studied (or if I'd brought my freaking calculator for math!!), but it's a decent score anyways.
MY MOTHER IS PREGNANT.
Also, Bai is moving in with me.