I'm gonna try this new thing where I'm not going to complain for a little while.
Just completely go with the flow.
It probably won't work but it's worth a try right?
The reason behind this new trying is that when I heard myself complaining, I sounded like a 3 year old.... Not cool. And the last thing I want to be is annoying... So yeah.
And because this complaining has led me to being torn a new asshole by my parents.
We had a huge fight last night and it just wasn't good.
Anything by NeverShoutNever! makes me want to serenade my Crush.
Even though I would just embarrass myself... Still! I'm getting so desperate with this entire situation.
I think of her all of the freakin time!
It'll just hit me and then I can't stop obsessing over the thought...
Even though I've already told her I like her and she's already rejected me, some asinine part of me still thinks I have a chance with her.
I'm such a pathetic romantic. I think that if I pick the right thing to say, the right poem to read, the right song to sing, I can win her heart.
One year and 2 weeks on Oasis!
Now if you guys don't mind, I'm going to reminisce about where I was at a year ago.
I had only been out for a few months. I was in the midst of the most destructive relationship of my life. I was also looking for a place where I could actually be myself, and talk to other people who were actually like me.
I have to say, Oasis has always been there for me. You guys are basically the only connection I have to the gay community.
Not to sound lame. :)
Between love and infatuation.
My Crush just increased on my hotness scale and has hit the trinity.
She is really really beautiful, one of the greatest athletes I have ever seen, and I just figured out that she is ridiculously smart.
There's an Academic banquet tonight for all the smarties at my school and Crush is going. She supposedly has a 4.0 or a 3.8 which is awesome.
Now the gods are just fucking with me. They put every single quality I want in a girl and made her straight.... Sigh.
That today I'm sighing too much.
There are many reasons for my angst-filled sighs.
Here's a few:
1) It's raining. I really wanted to go ride my bike today but alas it twas raining.
2) While playing online for Call of Duty, I keep getting pwned by twelve year olds and no matter how many rounds I play, I don't get any better.
3) I'm still suffering from getting rejected by yet another female... I should probably be over it by now seeing as it's been a week but... Now that I don't have a crush on anyone, there's this crappy emptiness that I can't fill.
I also realized this evening that when I have a goal in mind and an awesome playlist, I get tons of homework accomplished.
In a two hour block of studying, I managed to understand my algebra 2 sections for my quiz tomorrow (which is a miracle in itself) and get a lot of research done for my history project.
My awesome playlist included Hailey Wojcik, Imogen Heap, and Metric. Pretty great homework music.
But it also helps that the research I have to do is over something very interesting.
I have recently found out that my guilty pleasure is Ke$ha.
Even though she does spell her name with a dollar sign.
She is pretty hot and seeing her live on SNL was rather good.
That's about all.
The "Triple F's" as I like to call them came in full force today.
This group of people, events, etc.. of things that fucking sucked all happened to me today.
School was... blah. 26 days to freedom. All I can think of that keeps me going.
After school was the softball game. We lost. Again. 13-7.
I'm so so so sick of losing! It's bad. That just put me in a rotten mood.
Then I went to my piano lesson.
We left earlyish because I had to get a book at the library. And the library was closed. Of course.
Today I finally got a pair of cargo shorts.
From the guy's section of Old Navy. :D
Tomorrow, at school, I'm wearing my new shorts, my guy's Adidas shirt, and a pair of boxers.
I might not have the balls to wear the boxes but I'm considering it. lol.
This calls to mind the thoughts of possibly being trans...?
I honestly don't know.
Well, hey, might as well try and figure it out. :)
Hope everybody has had a fantastic weekend.
Last night, I told Alli that I liked her at around 2 in the morning while we were staying the night at a friend's house for softball.
I did it over a text.
Firstly, she asked if I was serious.
I said yeah, even though it was totally random.
So we texted for a bit and she said that she understood with lots of lol's.
I guess that's good?
She didn't really acknowledge what happened this morning and she isn't acting any different so... Win? Or epic failure?
My varsity softball coach asked me today to go down to JV to catch full time.
I said yes because I want to help out the team and I would love extra playing time.
It makes me sad though that the relationship I have with the girls on the varsity team has all gone to shit.
Plus I don't really know anyone on JV...
Just makes it more evident that I truly don't belong anywhere.
When I finally find a place that I'm comfortable in, I'm wrenched out and thrown to the sharks...
The only romance I read about is in books.
I spent my entire study hall looking for books to get at the library. A few of them were LGBT teen books, like Parrotfish. :)
But I have to wait until tomorrow to get to the library.
I am a huge nerd.... A really, really lonely nerd.
And the whole having a crush on an unobtainable girl (AGAIN) just makes me feel that much worse.
I'm sick of going through the motions of having a crush.
I tried to tell myself that it's nice to have a crush. But it really really isn't.
Oh my god. Something amazing just happened.
Okay, so at softball practice today I asked if anyone wanted to come over to my house for a bonfire. I didn't really get an answer.
After practice, I text all my friends and ask if they want to. I get a few people to say yes. :)
Now my softball teammate, Mckayla, asked if she could still come over. ANd if Alli could come to.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Of course I said yes! I can't believe she might actually be coming over to my house!!!
Today I had a double header. We lost both games. By alot. Lol.
The second game I got to play third and was a totally badass. Got at least an out every inning.
And I got on base!! With an awesome hit to left field. :)
All and all it was really fun.
You're probably wondering about the hugenormous crush part of the title...
Well the team's catcher, Alli, is FANTASTIC. She had 2 hits and also 2 plays at the plate. For all you non sports people, that's very good. :)
Along with having an awesome attitude and having some major skills, she is sooooo CUTE and nice.
I woke up early to go to softball this morning.
Turns out that we have to share the gym with a volleyball tournament and the baseball team. We're talking at least 100 people in this gym.
I was starting to get a little claustrophobic.
Add on to that my intense crush for this girl on my softball team and we have a problem.
The only way to describe how I felt was full of anguish.
I wanted to be close to her but at the same time I really didn't want to freak her out... I would rather be her friend than nothing at all...