carmen143's picture

It's not fair.

It's not fair that I live in the straightest town ever.

It's not fair that there are no lesbians in my high school or on my softball team.

It's not fair that my friends can't listen to me talk about girls without cringing and yet I have to listen to them about boys 24/7.

It's not fair that I've had late softball practice all week and can barely function.

It's not fair that I'm alone and any girl I like will never ever like me. Ever.

It's not fair that I've been in a bad mood for an entire week.

It's not fair that I'm not comfortable with myself....

carmen143's picture

Oh AfterEllen, How you tempt me... always does recaps of every Skins episodes. And I have to try so so so hard not to read them.

I'm waiting until the season is over to watch all of them because some douche blocked them on Youtube....

I always want to read the episode recaps about the Naomi and Emily episodes... I seriously love them.

It's very difficult. But so far I've stayed strong. Lol. :)

I'm sure Skins is one of my favorite shows.

Speaking of LGBT Characters on TV, did anyone see the Ugly Betty episode on wednesday?

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Another reason why I want high school to be over....

My mother took my sister and me shopping today... It didn't go so well.

I went wandering off on my own to look at stuff. Ended up in the guy's section.

I thought, what the heck? Why not take a look?

So I found two cool shirts. One has a picture of John Lennon on it and says "Give Peace a Chance". And the other one is the Average Joe's Dodgeball uniform shirt. :)

Also picked up some really comfy and awesome shorts.

As I was walking out of the dressing room my mother says, "Those shorts are way to boyish. Can't you find something else?"

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Unrequited something.

Why is it that whenever I like a girl she is always straight, always really intense or just plain crazy or liking her causes intensely awkward situations? WHY?

All of these apply for this current girl.

Its not love and I'm not even sure if I like like her. (Yes I am in middle school lol.)

She plays on my softball team. Probably one of the best players I've ever seen play.

To make matters worse (or better depending on how you look at it) she is really freakin cute.

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Don't you hate when...

You hear a song or watch a movie that brings up some of those memories that are best left forgotten?

I was listening to Your Biggest Fan and I Just Laugh by NeverShoutNever and they both reminded me of how shitty my relationships with girls have been.

It sucks kind of a lot. lol.

But anyway, I really really need to get my hair cut.

What I want is a haircut like Ellen Degeneres.

Alas, my mother thinks its a bad idea and tells me to wait until after high school. My hair would probably look really shitty short because it gets really curly.

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I have the uncanny knack...

To turn bi and gay girls straight.

The past two girlfriends of mine, after they broke up with me, came out as straight.

I must be a wretched kisser.

Or have an anti-gay forcefield around me or something.

This is just ridiculous.

So all my friends who said that she would screw me over, again, were right, AGAIN.

I am so sick of my friends being right about me and girls. It's so frustrating.

Last night, after my ex told me she was straight on facebook chat I told her that she could take all the time she needed to figure her shit out.

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Alice in Wonderland and awkward family moments.

I went to see Alice in Wonderland with my girlfriend this afternoon.

Very very very very good movie. The actress who played Alice was uber fantastic.

And the cool 3D glasses we got looked totally rockin.

And now you all must be wondering what the awkward family moment my title is referring to.

Well, my gf and I decided to hang out in my basement.

Pretty much just made out the whole time. :D

My mother, who decided that it was a good idea right then to ask me a
question, walked right in on me.

Thank god we still had all our clothes on. But only just.

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Stupid title field... Just read this. lol

I'm writing the greatest paper in my English class.

Gay rights!!!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, same-sex marriage, adoption rights.

So excited.

I love doing the research. :D

Along with the paper, I have to do a speech.

I'm surprised that I had the balls to pick this topic. lol

Nervous but excited at the same time. :)

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Awesome Afternoon.

This afternoon was great.

I talked to this girl Saturday, and I ended up asking her out.

She came over today to hang out and we watched Imagine Me and You and part of But I'm a Cheerleader.

We made out a little. :D

Olivia is totally beautiful and a fantastic kisser.

I'm gonna see her at school tomorrow and it's gonna be great.

We can't really tell anyone because she isn't out and her parents are weirdly religious but hey, it's cool with me. :)

It's nice to have someone who I can be myself around. Who will let me kiss her. lol.

All in all, it was a great day. :)

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You're welcome.

There is an entire section dedicated to lesbian erotica books. ;)

And don't worry all you guys, there's some books there for you too.

Now if only I could purchase a few of these books.

Me thinks my local public library doesn't have them. lol

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Crazy day.

Today was insane.

The school day was pretty lame.

After school, things got complicated.

My friend, Bre, is a really great friend.

But, she's really cute and funny and I think I might like her.


I dunno. It's weird. Personally, I'd rather just forget it.

I had to think about this all during my last Academic Challenge meet and my game was way off.

On the bus ride home, my friend Devan and I were talking about girls.

Our friend Hannah's boobs and how great they are, which girls are hot, and even just finding a girl to make out with.

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Wow. Snow.

I've had a five day weekend.

It started out as a 3 day weekend for President's day.

Add on two more snow days and you have my week so far.

It's been mostly boring.

Today was oddly productive though.

I cleaned, made some cookies, watched season 3 of Weeds.

Waiting for season 2 of the L Word to download.

Trying to finish some books.

But I actually want to go back to school.

I need to get out of the house!!

Anyone else have a crazy snow-covered week?

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The L Word. (possible spoilers for season 1)

I seriously need to stop watching this show.

Honestly, it's getting my hopes up thinking that I'll find a girlfriend somehow.

And we all know that's not going to happen.

Lol I know I'm a little behind the times since I'm still watching season 1 but am I the only one who thinks that girl carpenter (Candace I think) is insanely hot?


And I know its wrong that Bette is cheating with her on Tina, but OMG.

They are really good together.

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The more interesting bits of the past few days.

Two snowdays in a row!! it's so fantastic.

So today I downloaded the first season of the L word and in the process of downloading all 3 season of Arrested Development.

Did anyone see Ellen on AI?

She will be a great judge. :)

I wish I could dress like her. That would be too cool.

Um... What else?

Oh yeah!

I just started reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Really great.

Wow this post was completely irrelevant and random.

Lol thanks for reading though!

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Well, things are looking up.

I talked to this girl last night.

My friend gave me her number.

She was so cool. :D We talked for at least 3 hours.

I really like her.

Alas, she lives in Texas. But whatever. :) That's why cell phones are great.

This is a vast improvement from my last journal, right guys? lol.


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